BACK!

hi guys! i'm back after a long long time. I have been so busy and stressed out during my Missing In Action time... most of the time, i'm very depressed and lost. yeah...i cried a lot of times too. i know that crying isn't a big deal, but it IS a big deal when i dunno what made me cry... i can't seem to find any good reason. i dun understand myself. or it's probably more appropriate to say that i nvr understand myself. well, anyone out there that actually understand themself? is this a mission impossible or issit just me... ?
mmm... the reason that i m writing here is to release some stress + anger + disappointment... i'm helpless and i got no one to talk to. of coz i know that he's alwez there to listen and a few more of my close ones that i could talk to... but i just dun feel like telling anyone. partly because i dunno how to express myself better and i dun want to trouble them. especially my beloved tomato.... i felt bad after telling him how disappointed i am right after my test last nite without considering he has his own bigger problem to deal with. i blame myself for being so selfish... who can i talk to?? how i wish my parents are here and their one big warm hug will solve all the sadness in me.
you might think i'm taking this thing too seriously, or probably u haven't had a clue on what's bothering me. 'it's just a test'.. 'dun worry'... 'you think i'm better than u?' yeah..these are all the common replies whenever i tried to talk to ppl about my disappointment. These reply alwez make me speechless after that. mmm..... i studied so hard especially for the two outside papers this year because i want to pull my GPA up to get a better class in my degree, and looks like everything is just not gonna come true...
argh... just attended econ lecture... and i found that i lost interest and confidence in studying econ. help!!!! how i wish an angel wll just come up in front of me and make my life or probably my day better. i can't stay on like that. the frequent emotion pop ups is gonna kill me slowly ... i'm gonna go crazy real soon. ><