A moment of silence...

Let's pray hard for all the sick and needy ppl...
 
Prayer for the sick
Dear Jesus,
Divine Physician and Healer of the Sick,
we turn to You in this time of illness. 

O dearest Comforter of the Troubled,
alleviate our worry and sorrow with Your gentle love,
and grant us the grace and strength to accept this burden. 

Dear God,
we place our worries in Your hands.
We ask that You restore Your servant to health again. 

Above all,
grant us the grace to acknowledge Your holy will
and know that whatsoever You do,
You do for the love of us.
Amen.

Relaxing Day

i arrived home at 2.30pm today. well, it has been a long long time since i went home so early after school. been busy all these while, and all of a sudden i could go home early makes me feeling so weird. hmm.. actually i could have come home even earlier than 2.30pm. but i was bumming around varsity thinking of what to do or probably what i'm supposed to do that i've just forgotten about it. well, it turned out that everything was perfectly done, i've finished my design lab, finished my geomech lab, handed in my homework, got all my problems sorted out. time to rest i think.

probably i've used to being busy, although i was damn tired when i reached home, and thought of taking a nice long nap, but i just couldn't sleep. at last, i ended up surfing the net and walking up and down the staircase, doing nothing, just killing time and haha.. burn fat?! well, it's kinda cool to be free and relax like today, but yeah, tomolo onwards we'll start learning new stuff, and of course that means tat we'll get new homework and assignment. duh.... *FAINT* anyway, i think it's better to be busy rather than free. haha.. actually i still complain at both situations, no matter what.

ooo.. i finally got rejected by BECA. hahaha!!! see the word "finally"? yeah.. coz i just have this strong feeling that i would not be accepted by BECA. hmm... probably i did not take all these applications seriously enough. well, i'll have to be serious about it so that ppl will employ me, rite? argh.. i just couldn't find the mood to find a job. while everyone around me is busy and desperate looking for summer jobs, i'm the only one that's not taking it seriously. i just dunno why.. i keep scolding myself for not being serious enough. but err.. useless aye! ^^ well, i've shortlisted some companies to apply and i promised myself to apply for these companies before friday. hmm.. hope everything runs smoothly. really wanna get a job here aye. working here should be a lot better than working back home as i'll get the experience i want here.

okie dokie... tat's all for today.

 

 

time

i was standing in front of the mirror for like 20 mins juz now. i aint crazy, it's juz that i cant belive i hardly spend time looking at myself nowadays. i used to alwez like spending at least 30 mins per day in front of the mirror checking my face skin condition, whether i got pimples or acnes appearing everyday. hmm.. i noticed that my skin condition is really terrible as i din apply mask for a very long time. and still, i couldn't be bothered to apply mask when i noticed my skin condition as i'm really very very exhausted. probably i'll do it in the weekend. hopefully i can spare like 1 hour on that. if not, my mum will sure complain about me... haha, she alwez ask me to take care of my skin, if not i'll look 10 years older. it's true though. ever since i started having a busy life, and forgotten all about taking care of my skin, i look terrible... :( my dark circles are becoming serious each day... and my skin is getting rougher than sand paper now... darn! how i wish i got more time to rest... then my skin would be in a better condition.

oh, why the hell am i talking about skin condition? haha... well... i couldn't complain anything. it's just that i spend a lot of time working on tiny bits of problems i encounter in my courses whereas some of my coursemates not having a single problem on the courses. i just couldn't study FAST, coz when i study fast, meaning i'm not studying coz everything wont input into my tiny brain within seconds, i hafta repeatingly do some problems regarding to the topic and inputting the INFO bits by bits. sigh.. do u guys out there know any better way of effective studying?

i've already tried my best to be more effective in studying. i'm trying to study the materials before the lecture is given. but i nid more time to cover all the preparation work for the courses i'm having now. tough aye! HELP...

okay now, i hafta sleep. i dun wanna spend a lot of time on writing this. :)

hope everything is cool tomolo.

 

busy tiring day

woke up at 8.30 coz nid to prepare fried rice for cmsa bbq. hmm.. guess wat, the 3 quarter of the fried rice we cooked were returned to us after the bbq, coz eerr no one eats?? or was it becoz not a lot of ppl pop up in the bbq. no idea aye. anyway, my eyes now are sooo tiny that i could juz fall asleep within seconds if i crawl up to my warm and cosy bed now. hehe..but, i promised to write my blog everyday, and SOOOO... here i am, trying to bullshit a bit before i go off to bed.

basically, i've spent most of my day in ilam field for the bbq thingy, and then came home, took a rest and made cookies with my boy boy. he's sooo random, all of a sudden said wanna bake cookies. well, i haf to say i wasn't in a baking mood juz now, but since he's doin all the stuff, so it's not too bad. and i was glad that he actually went crazy while baking the cookies, by trying to make alphabetical cookies.. haha! crazy.. but cute though. love you! ^^

oh gosh, know wat happened? err.. i almost fell asleep in church today. hehe, but i was at least better than someone who claimed that he's listening, and he nids to close his eyes to concentrate more...but in fact he was sleeping.. hahaha!!!! evil rite? see? i'm at least better. i was trying real hard to concentrate and especially to keep my eyes open, like wat i'm doin now. using every bit of energy to open my eyes. haha!

well, another week juz started. hope tis week wont be that bad aye. keep the work load down and hope my mood is goin to be good.

GOD BLESS US! ^^ *peace*

mood swing...

it's 2320. if everything runs smoothly, i shud be in ancestral getting my bubble tea and spending time with someone after that. well, i just dunno why, probably it's my fault of bringing up stuff that i shouldn't be mentioning all the time. i alwez talk w/o filtering through my words and that's why i dun like talking these days, i only talk silly stuff. but silly stuff would make some ppl unhappy as well. i've come to a conclusion, stay quiet or away from the crowd is the best option. think about it this way, if i'm alone, i could talk to myself and i'm sure that i wont annoy myself right? but it's too pathetic to be liddat. i alwez thought that i could talk freely and be myself in front of some ppl. i think it's not true now. i used to think that my bro is the best, coz i could talk freely in front of him and just be the true me, now, not that he's not the best, i just think that there's sth missing between us, ppl might not notice that i seldom have 'serious' talk with him since months ago. i now realize why some ppl said that "no one will understand you except you... you are your own best friend as well as enemy". hmm.. life is like that i think. dun expect too much from others. everything wont happen like what you wanted it to be like at first. stop being naive... grow up...

All Blacks WON!

wooo hoo!!! i just watched my first ever rugby game on tv. All Blacks won... actually, all blacks sort of sucks big time aye! in fact, south africa actually worked hard all these while, i could see that they are all trying their best to win the game. unfortunately, at the last min, all blacks won. anyway, happy to know another game. i think i'll spend some time watching rugby. hafta know a bit about rugby in this country, coz it's their fav game. it's like every guy in this country are born to be trained as a rugby player. their dreams are to be a successful rugby player. ^^
a bit about wat i've done today. i woke up around 12 noon coz last nite i had a long and tiring nite. i vacuumed the house and made lunch. after that i spent like 45 mins cleaning up the kitchen and the fridge in particular. oh yeah, i took a long warm nice shower. that's like a weekly thing to do. did some structural revision before having dinner. well, i supposed i'm gonna hafta do some work before i sleep tonite. hope i could go out and grab my fav bubble tea and look for someone i missed soo much. ^^ looking forward.

lucky piggie

juz got back from dinner n pool. spent heaps tonite. errrm... well, it's been a long time since i spent such a hefty amount of money la. so, it's quite okay. ^^ i nearly had an accident on my way back home juz now. stupid drunk kiwi drove sooo fast that i had to avoid them. luckily i was only driving at 40kmph, phew! lucky me. man, i dare not drive in the city during weekends anymore, heaps of dangerous driving ppl around. scare me.
what about today. wat's special? oh yeah, my brother's friends, sorta my friends as well, came to visit us from melbourne, hmm..they gonna fly off in two hours time though. for some reasons, i feel uneasy having them around. probably because of my getting worse antisocial personality. sigh... it's really hard for me to start a conversation with them not like wat i used to be when i was in intermediate year. i can juz start a conversation with any ppl. it's really an easy task for me then, that's why i knew soo many friends. think it's useless for me to keep saying how useless and antisocial i am, i hafta sort out what's the reason behind this problem and solve it asap before i lost all my friends that thought i'm snobbish or watsoever. rite?
OH GOD...GIMME STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO OVERCOME ALL MY PROBLEMS. DO HELP OTHERS THAT ARE MORE IN NEED THAN MYSELF.
well, i juz made a list of what to do in the weekend. i've gotta finish my structural and geomech hw of coz... *duh* and err..gotta do some revision on EQ and never to forget studying for my design as i dun wanna be the useless one in the group. dunno why, i still think that i'm the useless one in my group, dunno why my group doesn't need me so much. i would be happier if they gimme job to do so that i would feel the importance of me in the group. issit correct for me to think this way? *confused* well, i m thinking of volunteering to do the preparation work for the presentation, hmm... i think i'll tell my team leader about it on monday. wanna contribute more. wish me luck ya! :)
wow.. it's late, i better sleep if not i wont be able to wake up to start completing all the tasks i listed down juz before. GOD BLESS ALL OF US! *peace*

What a day!

argh!!!! why cant i see my own blog by typing juz the blog url???? shit!!!! i cant even view my own blog from the blog dashboard... damn it!!! watsup with this blogger shit? argh!!! hope it will be okay soon. if not i'll have a major volcano eruption here.
oh well, Friday now...! should i be happy??? errr.. there's actually nothing to be happy about aye. coz this week is quite a relaxing week compared with those nitemares we had. well, it's basically only one bloody geomech hw that needs to read a stupid chapter about site investigation and answering five bloody questions. i've been trying to get some reading mood for the past few days but too bad la, cant actually convince myself to finish this chapter. too many words... annoying!!!
oh yeah, today we had our design lab. hmm.. i'm so stressed actually in the design lab. although my group is a majority girl group, all of them still damn hardworking and kinda know what the heck is goin on. except me... shit man, if there's no such lab, i might only know how to do calculation based on wat stefano taught us without knowing how to build these concrete beams. :S hmm.. i'm quite satisfied with the design lab today. although i dunno heaps of stuff, but yeah, i asked my team mates and they are willing to teach me. so i juz helped out a bit and learned some stuff in fact. the girls in my group especially lisa and rachel are sooo geng... they are my new idols now.
gosh, it's 12am now, and i'm damn full after eating the boss burger combo two hours ago. now i m a bit regret of having the bloody mc d meal at 10.. making me feeling soooo full...... wanna burst liao!!! :'(

Malam Msia

phew! been doin the malam tickets for two nites. in fact i m quite satisfied with my design aye. it's a good thing for me now as i've totally lost confidence in my studies, this mlm ticket designing thing would actually help me to forget the sad stuff i'm facing now. cool. my mind is now full of mlm stuff. like what to do with the tickets (although our mr. chairman is taking his own sweet time to do stuff), where to print the tickets with cheapest price, what is the theme, how to decorate it, where to get cheap decoration stuff, what are the performances, how to relate performances with the theme, who to invite to perform in malam. all sorts of tiny stuff nid to be done asap coz we are actually running out of time. well, i personally think we are actually now doin last min work again and i'm very afraid that things wont turn out to be good later on. all i cud do now is to pray hard that everything's working great. ^^

anyway it's late now. i think i better go to bed, if not i couldnt get to uni early to get a good parking spot. tomolo got design lab summore.. PLUS bro's friend (my friend also la) is coming from kul. i nid to haf enuff rest for tomolo's tight schedule.

Life SUX!

sigh... life is nvr great. i dunno what's the meaning of smile and how to smile nowadays. i think i'm really fake and disgusting whenever i smile. watsup with me? i used to haf smile alwez and ppl would stop by and asked "will there be a day tat u wont smile?".. and now, i hardly smile, all i haf is a 24 hour sulking face, even in my dreams recently, i'm alwez depressed.

i juz got back my management marks, i get a grade tat i dun think i deserve. i worked damn hard for management, oh well, u cud say other ppl worked equally hard or probably harder than me. but, the point is i dun see why i cud get such shitty grade. i tried my best in every assignment (although it worth only a few percent) and i studied damn hard before exam and tried my very best in solving the exam questions. why?! the same thing happened to other courses. i was well-prepared but when i sat for the exam, my mind went blank and i got shitty results at the end. why..... help me!!!!

i m really losing every bit of me now, even i myself think i sucks at everything. self confidence and courage to overcome failure is wat i nid now... but where are they? i hate myself really much, i pity ppl around me that loves me, i hate myself and i love all of you who are beside me. sigh...

First Blog

dun really know why i'm here. actually i've visited this site last december when i was so into building my own website. oh well, you might wanna ask how's my homepage goin. err.. it's been in a stagnant position for a very long time. i think the last time i updated my site was 2 months ago.

well, oh well. life has been really bad aye. it's term 3 now and i'm half way through my civil engineering degree. i'm still not sure wat the heck i learned and why i'm studying civil engineering. although i cant find interest in this field still, but i work damn hard on everything, from homework, assignments, tests till exams. i tried my very best in every single thing but still the outcome were not that satisfying. well, of coz i know no matter how "bad" my results were, i wont be the last in the class. The problem is not about being the last or being the top, it's about why my full effort worth nothing at the end. i really envy those ppl that are born intelligent, smart ass ppl tat haf a brain that for sure could solve every single problem. why am i not one of them?

sigh... i used to be the smart ass ppl in high school. i see myself as nothing now. i m gradually losing my confidence, i see nothing good in me, i see no future, my life is suddenly colorless. i know i m pessimistic most of the time. guess wat, i actually wake up everyday telling myself that "life is great, cheer up!", unfortunately, my mood juz go down the hill easily these days. i dunno why i could be in such a depression mode within seconds, terrible part is depressed w/o a single reason. what should i do? help! m i in a deep trouble now? or m i insane now? tell me pls.

it's bed time sooon. i still hope tat life would be great tomolo.

pray hard for me.