busy week... goin crazy

hmm... another busy week ahead. having lab everyday from monday to friday, got tonnes of assignment to be done, but the worst thing is i'm having an oral examination on wednesday, most probably after my lab, which is 5pm?! and it's gonna be a 3 hr test ... damn! think about it, i'm panicking already. i've made myself to study damn hard for this test, but things just dun make sense to me sometimes and i dun even know what he'll be asking.
in fact, in my opinion, there are two types of lecturers around. Type A is the "predictable" type. These type of lecturers are those that would make you more or less guess wat would be in the test as he'll be giving hint in class or probably the stuff tat he taught is damn easy to understand and ur confidence level will increase. whereas type B is the "unpredictable" type. most of the lecturers in this category are the ones tat are damn intellectual or too passionate about their own work. they would wanna dedicate all of their time on students and give them all of their knowledge. hmm..sounds great rite? yeah, no doubt they are GREAT teachers by the definition of being a teacher. but err.. i personally dun like type B lecturer (or teacher). probably becoz of my own personality. i once talked to my dad about this sort of lecturer, he said it's good coz he'll make me motivated and wanna learn more. the same thing when i told him tat most of my classmates study like mad ppl in library from early till late nite. BUT, how i wish i'll get motivated in this situation. damn unfortunate that i'm the kinda person tat "when u push me to go forward, i'll tend to go the other way round".. haha! u get wat i mean? hmm... back to the lecturer talk. type B lecturer is my idol lecturer.. ALWEZ, coz i'm very impressed of them being so passionate... hehe, but i cant take it when they are really my lecturer. they gonna drive me crazy aye!
anyway, i just hope tat everyone could pray hard for me for the upcoming oral exam. i just hope i could pass. although it doesnt worth a lot, but i dun wanna screw it up. now i'm kinda brainstorming all the stuff into my tiny brain now. hope my brain can stand it and "defrag" it nicely before the exam, so tat i would have a crystal clear mind when i'm in the exam. tis is wat i pray every week in church after thanking God for a nice pleasant week: " oh God, help me to cope with every stuff tat i'm gonna face this week with strength and calmness. and pls help those who are more in need than me. "
a simple but effective way to share ur burden (or problems) with God. trust me!

fear...

hmm... sitting here holding a warm milo. i'm feeling cold n hot at the same time. head gonna burst any minute. i'm tired. but i dun understand why am i so tired. i slept a lot. i din do a lot of heavy work recently. no assignments. nth! then why am i having this opposite effect? sth's wrong.
both my beloved handphones are sold today... using my bro's 6100 at the moment... dun think i wanna get a new one ... coz new one is nvr better than old one... i was busy copying out my msgs from the folder in my nokia phone. i feel tat things change so rapidly....... i missed those sweet days when we were really close and loving each other so much.... where has all those time gone?! i wonder....
i enjoy writing here coz apparently no one ever read wat i wrote i assume. the only two person i mentioned to about this blog are my brother and my bf. i think none of them visit my blog. my bf used to visit my blog everyday, tryin to check out wassup with me. but he seldom do it now. prob i asked him not to link his page to mine resulting tat he forgot to click to view my blog? coz i've constantly visit all his links, and he alwez post comment on other ppls' blog, except for mine. so, tat's the best conclusion i could make.
speaking about him... dunno aye... sth's really wrong. i admit tat something's goin real wrong. but he keeps denying it. i have this very wrong feeling tat he's trying to drag this relationship... i've been tryin real hard in every way to spice it up, but it nvr works. there's no smile on his face when he's with me, whenever i look at his photo, i can feel a distant between us. a distance tat's growing each day. tat's really bad. i duno wat is in his mind. he's really giving me this insecure feeling and a feeling tat i should be prepared for sth to change in the near future. i know it's wrong for me to say all these, but it's an alarm tat's getting louder and louder reminding me abt all these recently. i feel the fear inside me now... wat would i be w/o him... i cant imagine it. i rely on him too much, and it's getting more and more. tat's also probably i haf this strong feelin tat he needs me no more? he no longer likes to talk to me, no longer likes to approach me, no longer likes to hug me, no longer likes to... to me, he's more like a stranger.... tat approaches me coz he feels like he got the "responsibility" to talk to me... he gets mad at me and raised his voice at me very easily... probably i'm too annoying... i really feel like a wall is built between us. wat should i do? often he asked me not to think tooo much, but am i really thinking too much? every gal is liddat. i feel insecured and lack of love... shud i really be prepared for the changes tat's gonna happen in the future? pls guide me through.
i know i'm so wrong to say stuff liddat, coz he might read this... but i think i'm just trying to express my feelings out, coz there's no one i could talk to at the moment. and i know for sure he wont visit my blog for ages. probably he's forgotten about my existence, probably one day when i disappeared, he wont even notice me. but tat one day is not so soon... but i think it will happen if the time tat we spend together is rapidly reducing... i'm scared... i just hope tat god will prove me wrong........ coz i love him too much...
probably i shouldnt love him tat much.. probably he's a bit suffering now... i dunno.. wish i know wat's goin on. guide me through.. oh god!

men are from mars, women are from venus

Try this:
http://www.askmarsvenus.com/astrology/relationshiptests.htm
quite interesting aye...

finally we are done with the stupid design thingy. err..shudn't say it's stupid, coz i think it's stupid as i still know nth... but i can see tat it's damn useful for some ppl. good on them! i dun give a damn about it now. coz there's no team work anymore. i just hope tat i can cope with the bloody oral examination which is sometime soon, and i can pass the whole bloody design PLUS structural courses this year.

anyway, september 16... three more days to my beloved daddy's bday. missed him so much. dunno why, i kinda missed my parents sooo sooo much recently. how i wish they are here. hmm.. oh yeah, got a good news, got a job offer from transit nz today. went over excited for a few hours, then realizing that prob there are heaps of ppl out there having the same answer from transit also. so i should control my emotion before i got the final answer from them. oh god... let me get through all of this smoothly asap. i m dying to get a job here..... pls pls pls.. help me!!!!

what animal am i?

getting bored..tat's why i'm so free to take a sillly test.. the results come out to be quite errr.. unbelievable?

You are a Butterfly! You are a rare one indeed! People view butterflies as beautiful and it is usually frowned upon to hurt one. You are caring and carefree. Almost everyone likes a butterfly!

anyway, feel free to try it on:
http://www.jokesandhumor.com/dbase/animal.cgi

wat am i?

hmm.. guess wat, i'm sitting here in the stressful civil suite. most of the ppl around here are second pro civil students. yeah, tat's what i am now. apparently, i'm damn free. all of them are busy preparing themselves for the presentation session tomolo, which is a big thing of the year and yet i'm so free logging on and placing a new blog here.
well, it's all becoz i'm useless... i dunno why, everytime when i'm involved in some group work, i'm alwez the useless one, and i'll somehow made the whole team fail. and i started questioning myself abt my ability. i aint stupid, i aint the worst in the class, then why am in this situation? i've been asking for more work to do, and yet i ended up doin nth. i volunteered to do some stuff that expert in, eg. powerpoint presentation preparation, and yet i din get the chance to do it. i'm so useless aye. i spent the past two nites wondering around in civil suite, hoping someone could give me a chance to do something for the group. but yeah... i din get the chance. come to a conclusion that i'm bloody useless. useless until the extent that no one blif that i have the ability to complete things. pathetic rite? hmm... i'm feeling sad over here. juz went over and asked whether if i could do sth, but yeah... they said "no" again. wondering whether if they really done all the stuff, and left me here doin nth ... only feelin bad for wat i did.
i know a lot of ppl are sick of me saying the same old thing.."i feel bad".. but yeah, tis is my only feelings now. i really do feel bad now. but wat can i do? i tried and tried and tried many times asking them to gimme stuff to do. but the outcome is alwez the same.."there's nothing much to do, almost done aye..." are they in doubt of my ability or wat?
how i wish i'm like him... he's sooo important in his group. everyone relies on him. i nvr get such experience. why am i such a stupid fella? stupid until the extent i told the wrong person abt all my complaints. i shouldn't have told him about my feelings about this work, coz he alwez thinks i'm the one that dun wanna approach them asking for stuff to do and if he blif, he'll think i dun hafta feel bad abt it coz it's their fault of not trusting my ability. but no one could understand, especially him, coz ppl nvr look down on him before. he's alwez way up high above the rest, he is nvr the stupidest person or useless person in any situation. ppl somehow respect him. i cant compare myself with him, tat's why i shouldn't have told him, coz he would nvr understand. it will only make me feel stupider complaining this in front of them. he'll never know the feeling when i accomplished sth and the outcome was my whole bloody only contribution was editted until it's totally not my job. how worse could it be? probably it could be worse tomolo. juz hafta wait and see. i hope everything ends asap. i cant take it anymore. i'm looking down at myself more and more each day. it's really bad to think this way but i juz couldn't help it. i hope someone would give me a helping hand and pull me up when i'm falling, but till now, there's no one that really could gimme a helping hand. useless + hopeless situation...
hmm..actually i haven't been writing any blogs since the beginning of this month. thanks to the busy days i've been through, at first i was sick for almost a week, then i had this busy week last week.. and now 'm here, when everyone's supposed to be busy but me... sigh...
my mind has been spinning a lot. i feel like seperating myself from the whole damn world. i missed smiling, but i look so unnatural when i smile sometimes... probably i already lost the sun or probably the rainbow in my life, left with lotsa sadness... :(
i'm goin off now. actually i had this urge to write blog when i was lying on my bed with my mind spinning before i actually dozed off. but too bad, i was too lazy to actually get up and write a blog. till then... ciao!

feelin bored...lonely....useless

oh well.. i'm bored coz err.. i'm lonely...and i'm lonely coz my bf is sick n i feel useless coz i couldn't do much for him now. my bro and his gf juz left chch for hanmer springs tis afternoon. i felt a sudden silence in the house. no one to talk to..that eventually made me went back to my warm cosy bed coz i could talk to someone in my dream. after like 20 mins of nap, i was awaken by the doorbell. hmm.. my bf came over. he looked so tired and sickish. and yeah, he still has to try to make me happy coz i sounded angry over the phone before i headed off to the bed. i felt bad when i saw him tat sick. hence, when he said he wanted to go take a short nap, i agreed. i took about 30 mins thinking of wat to cook for him as his dinner. at last i cooked something tat i considered nice and simple for him... ginseng soup + black bean sauce chicken + green vege + egg on rice. simple but nice because of the ginseng soup. :) i'm glad tat he finished everything. after dinner, we sat in the living room watching tv and he juz got home not long ago.
i feel lonely again. but i feel more useless now. i still couldn't make him feel better. well, i'm not a doctor but i really feel useless seeing him suffering but couldn't do anything. i juz pray hard tat he'll recover soon.
hmm.. i think i'll start a bit of hw tonite and go to bed earlier. oh well, i hope my bro has a great time in hanmer. shit.. i really wanna go there. coz i could escape from chch..tat's what i wanna do in ages. nvm... i hafta be understanding. tat's wat i kept telling myself over and over again. i can't be selfish, my bf says. hmmm...