Friday, December 31, 2004

bye byee 2004!!!

today is the last day of year 2004. can't believe that this year passed by so quickly. "what have i done this year?" i think many ppl would question themselves. hmm.. lemme think. i haven't done anything special this year, and it's usual for me. hehe.. and i dun think i regret about having a simple life. ^^
the happiest thing that i've done this year is i passed all my 2nd pro year with comparatively better results than in my 1st pro year. i improved a wee bit but i'm already very satisfied and proud of myself. i have just chosen my 3rd pro (i.e. my final year) courses and look forward to getting a better grade next year. That should be counted as one of my new year resolution. furthermore, i hope that i could graduate with at least a second upper class coz i know that it's impossible to get a first class degree now.
also, i'm very thankful that my family and friends are all happy and healthy. and this is also another new year resolution i have for year 2005. not only a new year resolution, it's actually included in my daily prayer and my weekly prayer in church. i hope for world peace. and i wish that all the people around me are alwez healthy and happy alwez.
So, what other new year resolutions i have? i have got no idea. i never had a thorough thought about any wishes on my birthday or on a new years day. think simple and live a simple life. that would be the best thing in life i think.
1 more hour to year 2005. HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! ^^ may all your wishes come true.
to the ones i love, love you alwez and happy to have you beside me alwez.

GOD BLESS
&
HAPPY 2005!!


**nice animation hor??**

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

h@ppY bIrtHdaY to MUMMY!!!!
may GOD BLESS YOU ALWEZ!

New Blog

just roughly set up a new blog.... it's about my daily working routine in Transit New Zealand this summer.
will try to set up a better link on both blogs.



Monday, December 27, 2004

Back in Christchurch~~!

yo guys! i'm back in Christchurch finally. Although this is just a 5 day short trip, but it's good to be away for a while. Guess wat, i felt so uneasy when i got back home. haha! probably i'm not used to having a spacious house. in Auckland, my room is soooo tiny; the living room and the kitchen are very tiny as well. one can actually bump into sth anytime in the house. hehe! my house in chch looks soooo big now! hahaha!!! I'm going back to Auckland on this Saturday. and probably will go for a trip either to rotorua, coromandel or waiheke island, rite?!?! ( you know who i'm talking to) hehehe!!! i'm waiting for my personal holiday planner to let me know soon. hehehe! anyway, i'm gonna spend the few days here in Christchurch to update my site.
MERRY XMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Friday, December 24, 2004

30th day at work (24/12) [8am- 12pm]

Today is exactly one month working in Transit New Zealand. Feels like I’ve been working here for ages. Today is also Christmas Eve, and that means that nobody is still busying in the office now. In fact, the Christmas tea party is going to start soon and will ends around noon. And everyone can go home. Having a Christmas dinner with some of my friends around here tonight and I’ll be going to the midnight Christmas mass as well. Expect to have a great day today!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

29th day at work (23/12) [8am- 4pm]

Did some photocopying for the consultants of the CMJ projects by providing them a complete copy of the plans on the CMJ. Later on, I continue with my relocation of CCTVs project from yesterday. It took me until lunch time where I got an hour lunch and had a nice sushi pack. After that, just when I was about to spend some time sneaking around doing my own stuff, Martin from the Asset Management department came in and asked me to deal with a complain letter written by a resident near Bombay. The letter mentioned that Transit New Zealand has agreed to maintain the road access to SH1 in 1994 and promised to maintain that part of the road for 15 years. He was complaining about the surface of the road broken down due to heavy traffic access. My job was to find out the agreement that was mentioned. I had really no idea where to start from and where to get the file. I spent like two hours wondering around the Transit library and trying to locate the file but I failed to do so. Then I approached Mark for further assistance and he brought me to the planning department to see Amanda. Amanda had a look at the letter and said that there is no way I could find the agreement without details about the agreement mentioned and advised me to write back a letter to that person requesting for a copy of the agreement and the letter mentioned. Now I’m here writing this and preparing to go home. I think I’ll go back at 4pm after I finish writing a brief note to Martin about this case.

28th day at work (22/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

Started off the day by doing my GIS mapping job because no one was here yet and I don’t want to look so free. After lunchtime, I was given a job for the Centre Motorway Junction (CMJ) project. I have to make a few clear copies of the view that could be seen in the CCTVs installed near that section. These CCTVs are supposed to work perfectly in the sense that it could view every section of the highways. But, this situation changes after the construction of a few more bridges in that junction that subsequently blocked the view of some parts of the highways. Furthermore, the view of the emergency exits or stopovers in that junction should also be crystal clear from the CCTV. This sounds like an easy task but I was really struggling to deal with the roads in that particular junction. The spaghetti junction and the Grafton Gully are the two messiest junction in Auckland. As a newcomer to Auckland, I was having a hard time to deal with the complex intersections, flyovers and junctions. Went home at 4.30pm as a result of serious headache after looking through the complex maps.

27th day at work (21/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

After a great and filling McD breakfast, here I am in the boring office again. Today’s a bit different from yesterday because I have get rid of the stacks of CIS sheet scattering around my desk yesterday. Now I have two things in my mind: the project database and the GIS. Wondering whether if I could get a start on GIS today. Is it possible? Will it be as interesting as what I have been thinking about GIS all this while? Start work now! ^^
Well, spent the whole day doing GIS. Nothing special, I did until I was really headache and head back to home at 4.30pm.

26th day at work (20/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

Nothing is special about today. It’s not because I’m bored till death and sat here for one whole day without doing anything. It’s because I’m busy for the entire day and feels that time flies when one is very busy.
I have been doing the checking CIS stuff for one whole day. I have to run through the whole stack of CIS paper copy given last Friday, and check with the database. I have to divide all CIS according to “Old” and “Current” for each region. Then, for the non-updated and the incomplete information ones, scanning is required. I spent the whole morning going through the papers, and then after a quick lunch, I was in the scanning room for the rest of the day. At last, around 4.15pm, I finished everything. Went home at 4.30pm as usual. Again, I thought of going home earlier, but too bad, nothing’s working when I thought of it.

25th day at work (17/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

Today I think I’ll be given a lot of work to do. Firstly, Stephen is back and I’ll get to go through the management database and the financial database with him. And I can start off with my GIS. Wow! Sounds busy. I love it actually. Way to go!
Well, what have I done on Friday? It’s Tuesday now. Looks like I was busy for the past two working days until I did not get a chance to write up this diary. Hmm… I’ve updated the project database, got a few writing that I couldn’t get it. But, Stephen was not around for the rest of the afternoon. I went to have a chat with Mark before I started doing my own stuff. Surprisingly, Michael gave me something to do. I was asked to check the database for the traffic signals “controller information sheets”(CIS) so that the latest version is put up in the database for reference use. I had like a hell lot of work to do for that when it was about 3pm. I thought of going back early because there’s an xmas party tonight in Crowne Plaza Hotel. Looks like I have to stay back until at least 4pm. Just when I was about to leave, Mark came over and asked me to help out with the balloons decoration of the party in Hotel. That makes me going home at 4.30pm instead.

24th day at work (16/12) [8am- 5pm]

For the first half day, I was in my own world doing my practical work report. Saving bits by bits of my report into a new folder I’ve created last night. This is because I almost lost all of my newly information written into my report because my report was corrupted due to the size of the report. Now I’m very careful in doing my report. Not allowed this situation to happen again.
Anyway, after lunch, I was still in my own world until around 2pm. Mark came around and asked me to do more filing jobs for him while we were both waiting for the GIS MapInfo program to be installed. Around 3pm, Grace came back from TMC and they both showed me how to use the MapInfo program and what exactly I’m supposed to do. To me, the task is basically joining up aerial photos with the maps according to the main road and the arterial roads shown in the real map. I heard from Grace that it is hard, but I can’t agree with her before I have a go myself. Currently, I trust my own ability. That explanation process took me until 4.30pm because she was teaching me from the very basic. Then, Mark came in and asked me to run another copy of the ITS Strategy report. Went home at 5pm meaning it’s another half an hour overtime summing up to a total of 1.5 hours of overtime this week.

23rd day at work (15/12) [8am- 5pm]

Did some of my report to start my day with; also, I’ve updated the odyssey issues list given by Mark yesterday. For the very first time, I did a bit of filing. Although having electronic copies of the documents in the computer, but it is always better to do the traditional “filing” method so that the documents are always secure in a place after a few decades. It could help the future people in Transit to get hold of the relevant documents easily without going through so much hassle. He explained the filing code to me and I helped him about 3 hours on that filing system until lunchtime. Filing is actually an easy task; it is just basically sort out the documents according to different folders based on the project type, the corresponding project section (contract, software etc.) and then might probably file the documents in chronological order.
After lunch now, I might head off doing some scanning job for my report as Mark will be busy until approximately 3pm.

22nd day at work (14/12) [8am- 5pm]

First thing in the morning when I arrived in office, I went into Stephen’s room and asked about the project list of the management database. Before he gives me anything about that, he asked me look through the plots I’ve plotted a few days ago and told me there are some mistakes in it. I have to say that I was really rushing through plotting those 16 graphs on that day when he gave me this work. So, I did not even bother look at the pattern of the graph and think whether if it makes sense to me. Haha! That’s why I have to redo it again today. Not really redoing everything, but 50% of it, as I’ve plotted the “Average Speed vs. Time” plot correctly in the first place. The mistake I’ve done to the “Total Volume No vs Time” plot was that I did not pay attention to the units of the “total volume no”. I thought that the unit was just as simple as “vehicle number” only. After Stephen gave me a hint on the unit and I kind of think about the pattern of the graph, I did some minor calculations (unit conversion) and now I think I’ve got the pattern correct. I just submitted the edited graphs and waiting for approval from Stephen. In the meantime, I am just waiting for Mark to give more work for me to do. He just came back from TMC and sort of busy right now. I’ll go ahead with a bit of my report while waiting for him and for further jobs.
Didn’t do much of my work stuff but I did pretty much of my practical work report. Thanks to Mark as well because he helped me a lot with my report by explaining and finding appropriate attachments for me. He gave me a list for the odyssey issues I’m currently doing around 5pm, I’ll leave it until tomorrow I guess.

21st day at work (13/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

Thought of coming to work earlier so that I could go home earlier but unfortunately I arrived just on time for work. Straight away I went to see Stephen who was sick for 3 days last week. I showed him the graphs and the map of the fatal accident happened on North Western Highway (SH16) on the 3rd November 2004. He explained the pattern of the graph for me, and he further asked me to do some modification to the graph, as the data for 27th October was incomplete. Also, he asked me to find the exact location of the accident. I approached Mark for further information and he gave me the contact details of the persons that I’m supposed to talk to regarding the additional information for the graph and also the exact accident location. Now I’m just sitting here waiting for the additional data to be sent to me. In the meantime, I think I’m going to work on my practical work report again.
Well, I do not have to get the additional data to substitute the incomplete data for the accident graphs anymore. This is because the discussion of this accident is on this afternoon and not tomorrow afternoon like what Stephen told me before. Hence, it is impossible to get the data off Teo and further update it in less than 1 hour. Well, at least I’ve made some progress in finding the actual location of the mishap.
Grace, graduate engineer who is working on GIS mapping job, told me that I’d be given a whole tonnes of jobs on GIS and work as an assistant for her in GIS work. I was really glad when I hear it because a few of my friends are learning GIS or mapping stuff and I attended a few meetings about GIS and I was really attracted to the whole programme and system. But I’ll have to wait for another license to use the programme.
After lunch, I did some fault detection updates for the Odyssey programme, which is under 28 days of performance testing. And then Mark handed over a new job for me. I was asked to do a spreadsheet to list down the problems encountered regarding the Odyssey programme. Furthermore, I would have to get a proof of the problems and file it appropriately. Currently waiting for Mark to check my work, he said I’d have to wait for another half an hour. Haha! That means it’s about at least one more hour to go.
It’s 4.30pm, and it’s time to go home. I’ve done a simple converting Power Point file to PDF for my big boss, Terry Brown. So scary experience but I’m glad that he’s satisfied with what I’ve done. And it’s the first time I used Adobe Acrobat Distiller.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Twentieth day at work (10/12) [8am- 4pm]

Whew! What have I been doing for the whole day? Let’s see. Arrived in office as usual at 8am and hoping that Stephen would be back at work. Unfortunately he’s not in! He’s still on his sick leave according to Mark. So, I’ve got nothing much to do again as all my documents are pending to get approval from Stephen before I proceed to another stage. I’ve got the accident case with me, the management database list that needs to get updated after I got the list from Stephen, and I’ve got the TMU financial stuff to deal with.
In fact, Mark and I are the two freest people in the office on Friday. Later around noon, I went to Auckland City Council to learn something new. Mark brought me there because he wanted to check the data files of the property he’s planning to buy. I saw quite a number of interesting stuff over there. There is actually a section called property section where there is a big aerial photo providing the property section area and its relevant properties. Also, the city council actually keep hold of every single formal letters or important documents given to each house owner so the public would just have to sign up in the front counter and would be given a chance to actually view the documents in the computer room prepared by the city council. That’s really cool. I can’t believe they actually have a nice clean folder with all the data nicely arranged since a few decades ago. This would never happened in Malaysia I think.
After that, I came back to the office and wondering around the Internet for a while before I started doing my practical report. I started doing my practical report as I really have got nothing to do at the moment and I’ve asked permission from my supervisor as well. He asked me to do it so that I would not waste my time waiting for stuff to be sent to my desk. Also, it’s really nice of Mark to help me to get some data for my report, for example the organisational structure for both the Auckland regional office and also the TMU department. I went home around 4pm, as I’m totally bored and exhausted.

Nineteenth day at work (9/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

Damn sleepy still although I went home earlier and got the chance to sleep before dinner. I don’t know why. My energy is low always, not a second in a day that I don’t feel tired. Something’s wrong but I don’t know what’s happening. Anyway, I’ve sorted out my timesheet, which would be faxed to the national office soon after I got Mark to sign it for me. If nothing special to do today, I’ll go home earlier again.
The sky is dark out side. According to the weather forecast, it will have some slight showers later in the afternoon. That’s really sad, as my mood follows the weather pattern actually. Sigh…
It’s 1.30pm now. I’m so bored, nothing to do again. I was sort of “busy” for a while just now. I was doing some financial management stuff for TMU cost and budget. It took me only 2 hours to get it done, as it’s just purely copy and paste and data entry job. I’m actually waiting for Mark to come and rescue me as I have got some problems here with me when I was asked to “link” the present spreadsheet with the business plan set. I’ve waited for 1.5 hours and there was no sign of him coming over to rescue me.
Anyway, I have just updated my CV and sent it to Geoff regarding the Transit bursary provided for third year engineering students. I think it is quite a good thing providing $200 allowance per week and a full tuition fee fully subsidised also guaranteed to get a summer job with Transit. But the problem I’m facing is I don’t know whether I can still keep on studying for my Masters after I graduate as the contract for this bursary said that people who got it would have to work for Transit for 12 months after graduate. Never mind, I’ll try my luck for now and wait for his reply.
Gosh, it’s 4.30pm now and I’m preparing to go home after I finished this diary. Guess what, I barely did anything for the past 4 hours. I sat here waiting for Mark and he appeared for like one hour and went disappeared again. I got the order of the balloons done an hour ago and everything for that particular job was done as well. Invoice is ready and needs to be paid by next Friday. So, what’s left for me to do? I’ve got no idea. So envy Albert having stuff to do. I prefer being busy than doing nothing! That’s all for today. Hope to get a better day tomorrow.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Eighteenth day at work (8/12) [8am- 3pm]

Arrived at office at 8am sharp, worried that I’ll have a hard time of trying to stay awake again. Just when I was about to dig out some stuff to do, Mark walked in and he explained to me what RP is and showed me some references about it. Later, I was then asked to go to the CMS meeting with him on 13th floor. The CMS meeting was a discussion among the client (transit), the consultant (serco) and the contractor (signopsys) about the new CMS system. I realised that it is really hard and have to go through a lot of steps before reaching a mutual agreement among these three parties.
After the meeting, I got a task of doing a slight “tidy up” job on the TMU shared costs project. It’s just basically running through all the items listed and then editing the unnecessary items on that list and tidying up the list again.
I’ve got an interesting duty today. As the Christmas function for Transit is approaching, Mark being the member of the social club of this company has asked me to do him a favour. I was asked to look for the best deal of helium balloons. Without hesitating too long, I agreed. This is because I had the experience of organizing such function back in August for our Malam Malaysia. I straightaway called a few party hire companies around and compared the price quoted by each of them.
I’ve completed my task now. It’s an easy task for me. Now I’m just waiting for more works to be given to me. (9/12) Went home at 3pm yesterday and had a 2 hour nap straight away. The reason I went home so early was that I have to finish up my additional hours gain in the first two weeks. Now, I still have 2 more hours to waste. I will have to go home earlier again either today or tomorrow. It depends!

Seventeenth day at work (7/12) [7.30am- 5pm]

Mark picked me up from my apartment and went straight to ATTOMS this morning at 7.30am. As I stayed up quite late last night, I was barely awake the whole morning. The reason I stayed up so late was because I was waiting patiently for my final examination results to be released. Anyway, I am pretty happy that I passed all the papers and most of my friends passed all their papers as well.
Okay, back to my work so far for today. I was in ATTOMS until around 10am. Actually, the Odyssey performance test meeting last for only 1 hour, the meeting adjourned at 9am. But after that, Mark was talking to a couple of people and I was struggling to keep my eyes opened. After standing beside them for one hour, Mark called a cab for me and asked me to go back to the office first. I was really happy to leave that place because I don’t want to face them with my sleepy look. Haha! The cab journey was the first experience I’ve got here in New Zealand. Never taken a cab here before. The short 5 minutes journey from Northcote to City cost me 20 bucks! Oh my gosh! How would people willing to pay for a taxi? Luckily Transit is paying for the taxi fare, if not, I rather walk or probably take a bus instead of taxi!
First thing I did after arriving in Transit was to go to the nearby mart to get a can of lift, as I was really sleepy and tired. Then after that, I went straight into work. From 10.30am to 2pm, non-stop working. I was working on the graph making of the traffic flow data for three days in conjunction with the fatal accident happened recently. At first I plotted everything nicely in separate graphs, just when I was about to hand in my work to Mark, I realised that it would be better if I collate all the graphs together. Then, I started building graphs, which better summarises the data given. That’s why I took an additional 2 hours to build the 16 graphs I have now. Anyway, it’s 3.20pm now, I’m wondering whether if I got further job to do for the day. If not, I’ll go home at 4.30pm.
Mark pop into my room at around 4pm, I was then talking to him about the graphs I plotted and mentioned about the aerial photos needed as an attachment to the graphs showing the exact location of the camera. I was asked to scan the map borrowed from another colleague of mine. And then, I was asked to reprint the map in A3 format. That took me a while to get it done, as I was already half blur. I’ve worked for more than 8 hours already… can’t blame me for being blur now.
Later, with a map on my hand, and also the RP (route position) stated, I tried to locate the sites. I had no idea what RP means, and that’s why, Mark gave me a file consists of aerial photographs for the ATMS sites. Based on my logical thought and a bit of guessing luck, I tried to locate the 4 traffic flow detection sites on the map. It was almost 5pm when I finished.

Sixteenth day at work (6/12) [8am – 5pm]

What a bad day! It rains while I was walking to the office. Damn! I started off my day by completing the pivot table of the performance test that was half completed on Saturday. It took me just a wee while to get it done and I proceed to the next task on my mind, updating the tiny stuff of the management database. Now it’s 8.45am and I’m pretty done with the stuff I’m doing now. Just have to wait for Mark for further assistance or probably I’ll pop into Stephen’s office for help.
I’ve got hold of Simon for further alterations of the Idea list given previously and updated the idea table. Also, Mark gave me a new job. It’s another database job, just key in and format the document to make it look nicer. This time I’m dealing with the financial of the TMU projects I’ve done previously. I’m supposed to enter all those related data into a spreadsheet and then again using pivot table to summarise the data. It took me 2 hours to just do the pivot table because I had no idea how to make it look nicer and somehow one of the records went missing for no reason. I was stuck at that point until Mark came and “rescue” me. I was given further job on the financial database. After lunch, I updated the idealist Simon emailed me. And then I was asked to start a spreadsheet on the performance test to sort of gather the faults faced each day and the detail description of each fault for the ease of tomorrow’s meeting. Now it’s 4.35pm. I’m just waiting for Stephen to be free. Mark sent me a few spreadsheets regarding the traffic flow of a particular stretch of highway on 3 different days. That highway was closed for a few hours after a fatal accident happened on the 3rd of November. I am still not that sure of why we need this data.

Fifteenth day at work (3/12) [7.45am – 12.45pm]

My weekend started earlier as my parents were here to see me. On Friday morning, after I finished updating the performance test results, I attended the TMU team meeting in ATTOMS. The meeting started at 10am and lasted until 11.30am. The meeting was a really brief and easy one. It was just basically going through the last minutes with everyone and then discusses the work progress of every team member and also solving the problems they faced. Also, the chairperson, in this case, the manager, would set a time limit for each project submission. The meeting was not very serious at all, it was a fun and easy meeting, like a big family sitting down and having a nice chat. The project management database stuff that I’ve done so far was being discussed in the meeting. I was given a hell lot of work to do for the next few weeks. I’m very glad to get to be busy. I still prefer being busy than being bored and having force myself to stay awake.

Fourteenth day at work (2/12)

I’m off today because I sprained my ankle badly last night while walking towards the city for dinner. I blamed it on the uneven road surface. Also I realised that not a lot of nice people around in Auckland. The moment I fell down, everyone still walk past me without giving me a help hand, except for a guy. He ran towards me after he saw me fall down. It’s so nice of him. He even asked the nearby shopkeeper for a chair for me to sit down and rest. Even worse thing happened, that is the vehicles still horn me for not moving at all in the middle of the road. Well, I’ve lost my capability to stand up at that particular moment. What do they want from me? Terrible Auckland drivers, they SUCKS!

Thirteenth day at work (1/12) [8am- 4.30pm]

“You’ve finished everything!” that’s what my supervisor told me this morning when I was really glad to see him in the office as I thought he might give me some new jobs to crack my head on.
Now I’m basically printing off what I’ve done so far to give it to him and that’s it for the moment I hope. This Friday, our TMU department would have a team meeting in North Cote ATTOMS office. And later on that day, I applied for a half day off. So, what are there for me to do now? And tomorrow? *Wondering*
It’s 4.20pm now. And I’m about to go home. Starving! When I was about to walk down to BK to get my lunch, Mark told me that he’s trying to dig stuff for me to do and said he’ll be right back in five minutes. I waited and I ended up sitting in the meeting room from 1pm till now. It is because he couldn’t find any work for me to do. I’m tired now. And starving! Think I’ll just go home and take a nice long shower, eat a few pieces of biscuits.

Twelfth day at work (30/11) [7.45am- 4.30pm]

I basically did nothing today. Really NOTHING! But luckily I was not suffering from “staying awake” disease. I was playing around with my management database whole morning hoping that Mark would turn up all of a sudden and give me something fun to do. Later, I filled up the repeating data for the “performance test” spreadsheet for the whole 28-day period. I also tried to do more tables, queries, reports and forms for the rest of the data left in the management database. After lunch, I found something more interesting to do, that is to find information for my practical work report. I spent the whole afternoon writing my work report and also surfing the intranet for further information needed for my report. I’ve got my first pay today, a total of 791 dollars. Not that excited though as I expected to get 1000 at least as promised by Shona because we are getting the pay in advance. But too bad, we did not get it. Have to recalculate my expenses and my earnings to reach a balance. I want to go shopping for Christmas and for New Year. Also, I have to buy presents for my Mum and my brother. Going back home now…

Eleventh day at work (29/11) [8am- 4.30pm]

As usual, I arrived at 8am. Went straight into work today, as I have to finish up the report and both forms as soon as possible. Not that they are urgent documents, but I’ve set a goal for myself to finish it as soon as possible so I could learn new stuff. The problem I faced on Friday was easily solved today. I strongly believe that when I am tired, a simple problem might be so difficult that it’s unsolvable. I was glad that I could crack this problem today. I spent a further one-hour to do some “housekeeping” for the report before proceeding to the “form” building part. As “form-building” is a new task for me, I took my time reading about it and had a few attempts to it before reaching perfection. By 1.30pm I finished all three tasks given and also updated the “performance test” list given by Mark this morning. Now I’m trying to figure out what “pivot table” is so that I could present the performance test data in a pivot table. Learning it while waiting for Mark to turn up.

Tenth day at work (26/11) [8am- 5pm]

It’s Friday! Very excited when I think of it. But the weather is really bad to start a day with. Very wet and dark out there… all the pedestrians are running and the drivers are frustrated with the pedestrians running across the road without paying attention to the cars passing by. Well, I went home yesterday at 4.30pm. Guess what, I met my supervisor on my way home! Haha… never mind, he said he’d get more things for me to do tomorrow morning (i.e. this morning!).
I’m patiently waiting for the jobs now. I was asked to do another report using Microsoft Access again. This time I’m arranging the database for the projects undertaken by TMU. I thought I would be able to finish it in a short time as I’ve got experience in dealing with the potential problems face. I did the first part (i.e. the data key in part) in a very short time. After double-checking the data I just key in, I did a “query” before I transfer it to the “report” section. Again, only numbers represented the names of the project managers only. I used the same solving method to solve this problem but this time I am not that lucky. Later, I spent hours just to solve this simple problem. I even talked to Mark about it and he himself couldn’t solve it also. At the end, he asked me to redo the whole database again. It was already 3pm. So, basically, I did not achieve anything that day. I was asked to rearrange the data, and then present all the data in a report and also a form. Also, I have to produce a form for the “Ideas” data I did the other day. But, everything went wrong, making everything stall at that moment.
I went to North Shore control station again to do the 28-day performance check of the Odyssey programme. I get to check the system under the supervision of Mark. I was very happy and learned a lot of stuff. Also, I further understand the checking criteria table that was handed to me this morning. I was asked to present the data in that table in a spreadsheet and updating it everyday for a 28-day period.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Ninth day at work (25/11) [8am- 4.30pm]

Arrived at the office at 8am sharp! This is the first time I ever arrived at the office at 8am sharp, I normally arrive ten or five minutes earlier. Well, I started off my day doing the same old report that I’m supposed to complete. Although Mark told me that this is not an urgent document, I still tend to finish it as soon as possible because I want to get a chance to know more and to learn more. If I stayed too long on a single task, I would have wasted my time learning other new stuff.
As I was about to start doing my report, Stephen came in and asked me to do him a favour. The first question was “are you good at running?” I was quite surprised! Then he looked at my high heels and asked me again. The only answer that I could reply is “sort of”. Then he gave me a list of ten people, and told me the address of a hotel in the vicinity and asked me to go find them and bring them all here to the office the latest by 9.15am. For your information, he told me about 8.30am. Initially, I thought it was an easy task not until I arrived at the hotel and the lobby receptionist told me that he couldn’t get any guest having the same name in my name list. I spent like 20 minutes playing hide and seek with the 11 people I’m supposed to pick up. When I left the hotel with the 11 people, it’s already 9.05am. Luckily when I arrived back in office, it’s not too late. I was glad that Stephen was proud of me being so efficient although I faced some difficulties in going there and trying to find them.
Later, I spent the whole morning on my report. Being a beginner in Microsoft Access software, I had a lot of difficulties. I read through the handbook and surfed the net for more information; at last I finished the report with about 8 attempts.
Thought I could do some new work after lunch because Mark is supposed to be back in the office by 2pm. It’s 4pm now and I’m wondering whether he’ll still pop in. I keep on falling asleep while surfing the Internet for some information of Transit New Zealand for my practical work report. God, save me! I think I’ll go back at 4.30pm; that is half an hour countdown from now.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

weird

errmm... just uploaded my everyday working diary... but dunno why, i can't post 5th day below 6th day diary..something's wrong. i've tried a couple of times, still doesnt work. i give up! :P

Eighth day at work (24/11) [7.45am-5pm]

Today is a tiring day. Early in the morning, I tried to finish up the Microsoft Access report that Mark handed to me. At about 9.30am, I was preparing myself for the AHB walk. Talking about this trip (walk), I was really excited because for the very first time, I get the chance to wear the hard hat and the safety vest. It was really cool. We spent about 2 hours on the harbour bridge. Taking a very complete tour around the harbour bridge. I learned a lot about the structure of the bridge and got the chance to experience a lot of the stuff that I learned through textbooks, for example, the deflection of the bridge when a heavy load was acting onto it, also the maximum deflection at the mid-span of the bridge. We came back to the office about 12noon, and then after lunch, I continued on my Microsoft Access report for about half an hour before going to the “pavement and structure” brief talk given by Terry Boyle from Asset Management Group. I learned about the different types of pavement available in the market and also the pros and cons of each type of pavement and of course given the idea of which is the best among them. This talk lasted for 1.5 hours and then I went back to do my report again. I talked to Mark about the problems I had while doing it and he tried to help me with it. At last around 5pm I still couldn’t get it through. Although I’ve got about 70% done.

Seventh day at work (23/11) [8am- 4.30pm]

First thing in the morning, I went to photocopy room again and made the one last copy of the “Asset Management Plan” for file record. Then I met Mark just when I finished my task. He gave me two tasks to do:
1. Gather up all the copies of the two documents I’ve photocopied and bind. See Stephen for recipient’s details. I’ve gone to talk to Stephen and he advised me to do it after the JTG meeting. So, I’ll leave everything aside until 25th, that is this coming Thursday.
2. Learn Microsoft Access program so that I could sort out the projects and idealist from all the other TMU people. This is because the current database is a mess and everyone in the department is not sure about the updated activities, which would eventually lead to some conflict and misunderstandings. I was given a current database list and several excel folders containing the project information. I was asked to arrange everything nicely into an Access file, BUT before that I need to know how to use that program! (Learning now…)

Finally, I’m done photocopying the 6 copies of “Asset Management Plan” and flipped through the Microsoft Access reference book to familiarise myself with data entry skills using this software. Also, I’ve listed down some questions regarding the stuff that Mark asked me to do. Now, I’m just waiting for him to be back. It’s 3pm by the way. Hopefully I could go home earlier today. I repeat the same line everyday, but the probability of it to come true is very small. L Damn! It’s raining out there… 4.30pm and just started raining. I already know something will happen. L Whatever it is, I’m still going home now. Don’t feel like staying here doing nothing.


5th Day at Work (19/11) 8-5pm

I was a bit late for work today, but still I arrived in company before 8am! J I was really tired as I went to bed very late again last night. I have something to do this morning that is to finish up the 16 copies of documents that are 160 pages thick! I thought that between 8am to 9am should not be a “peak hour” in the printing room as some of them might come in late. So, I take this opportunity to “quickly” do a few copies. I printed out 4 copies initially thinking that I might disturb other people’s printing job at the same time. I felt bad after that when I went to printing room, the printer is running my printing job and there were a few people lining up waiting for it to be done. I kept quiet standing aside as they were kind of grumbling about this long printing job. I apologized to them immediately after they finished.
Anyway, I’m now yawning as usual again and waiting for my supervisor to come back so that I could get this document printed out completely. Then, I could collate them altogether and bind them up. Wondering how long would I have to wait this time? *Thinking*
1432 now. I’m sitting here thinking how to make my cover letter sounds more fancy. Haha! I was asked to write a covering letter based on the draft given by Mark just a couple of minutes ago. I just simply typed it out and it’s DONE! Now I’m waiting for him to come over here to check and probably have a bit of laugh about my English! ^^ I’m heading off to north shore control station in 15 minutes time.It’s Monday morning 757 now. I’m going to finish writing up my Friday diary first as I did not come back to the office after the north shore visit. It was really tiring. Well, stopped at the cover letter writing part. I showed them to Mark and surprisingly his requirement was not too high, and he taught me the easiest and best way to write a cover letter. I learned something precious! J After that, Albert and me followed him to north shore control station. It was a small office next to the Police station, as they are supposed to be working closely to the police. We were shown the computer software they used to estimate traffic flow and controlling the ITS system, such as VMS (Variable Message System). Later, we were shown the control room with heaps of screens showing the traffic flow condition on different parts of the State Highway. The people there are in charged of control and managing the traffic to the best and coordinating with the police who take control of any accidents happened on the highway. Hope I get more chances to learn more about that in detail.

Sixth day at work (22/11) [8am-5pm]

Had a tiring weekend, hope I could cope with it today. It’s a nice day and my mood is extremely good. Don’t know why, but I’m happy today. JJ I’ve been told that I’m going to do some arranging and editing stuff today for the preparation of this week JTG meeting. So, I’ll be working with another administration stuff, Tammy, on this. But I still have to wait till my supervisor is back. Okay, I’d better read some stuff as a new TMU drive was added to my computer on Friday. Again, it’s Tuesday now, about noon already. For the second half day of yesterday, I was busy making photocopies of a document for the JTG meeting on Thursday (I think). It took me the whole afternoon standing in the photocopy room. Really tiring work as I don’t have a chair to sit on and I have to stand there for hours wearing my heels. Anyway, it’s great that I did not do overtime. I left office at 5pm sharp leaving some work for Tuesday morning.

Fourth day at work (18/11) [8am-4.50pm]

Sigh…thought I’ll be given something to do. I mean something to DO… that does not include reading some reports, does not include writing something that I don’t know and have to squeeze my brain juice to think real hard so that they make sense to me. I’m so bloody bored. I wrote heaps of emails out today, nagging people only. What have I done today? Basically ZERO! Hmm. Let’s see, I’ve done what I supposed to do already. Went to see my supervisor this morning. (Amazing, I was really surprised to meet him at 9am in the morning, I used to think that he is never in the office before noon) then he looked through what I’ve done (actually he has already looked through them yesterday) and I asked him is there anything for me to do as I’m falling asleep soon. He quickly sent me some files about the same topic, TMU policy and procedure documentation and asked me to read them. Cool stuff! At last I have something to do. I spent like 2 hours reading that. And everything makes sense to me. Also, I thought that I would have extra stuff to do because I’m supposed to meet Stephen and showed him the document that I’ve bind yesterday and asked him whether if I need to make more photocopies. This simple-looking job would take me approximately 1 hour I assume. But unfortunately, Stephen was talking to Mark all morning. So, I just left them alone and went to get the files Mark just sent to me done. After that, I went over to Stephen’s office but he’s gone! Mark as well… duh… okay. That’s what I’ve done from 8am in the morning till now. It’s 2pm now. I’ve been waiting and surfing the net about some TMU and transportation information so as to gain some knowledge. The worst thing is I kept falling asleep in front of the computer because I went to bed very late last night. Now I’m back in action after drinking a damn expensive “lift” drink that boost up my energy! Okay, I’m back to reading stuff and patiently waiting for my supervisors to appear.
It’s Friday now but I’m going to complete my routine for yesterday’s second half day. My boss appeared at last, not my supervisor though. I showed him both documents that I’m handling and I was asked to do some minor modifications here and there. That was already about 4pm. I was thinking of going back home at 4.30pm as I’m starving, hence, I rush everything through. (Full blast mode) I did the easier one first, i.e. make a copy of the ITS document and send an email to Mark regarding the ITS document. I completed this task within 10 minutes. Then, I proceed to my second task. I changed the font of the introduction page of the TMU document, did a few separation pages, and then again send Mark an email regarding some minor problems in the content of the report. After finishing them, it was about 4.30pm already, but I haven’t made 16 copies of this 160 pages thick procedure document. As there are some confusions in the documents and further corrections have to be done before I printed them out, to make full use of my time, I printed out some of the minor parts of the document and went home around 4.50pm. It was quite a big contrast day. The first half was relaxing, sleepy, bored; second half was busy, energetic (after drinking lift) and interesting!

Third day at work (17/11) [8am-4.45pm]

Started off the day by finishing up the editing picture job I stopped yesterday. Having planned to get it done ASAP so that I could see my supervisor about some enquiries of the job he gave me, I spent approximately 1.5 hours sitting in front of the computer concentrating on the editing job. Everything ran smoothly, I was not aware of the method to edit the picture and the table, which were all, messed up yesterday. But, today I seem to get along with everything so perfectly. Unfortunately, I still couldn’t contact the guy I’m supposed to get the appendix electronic copy from. Sent him an email early this morning and tried to call him at different hours but he wasn’t in. Looks like I have to rush through some things tomorrow because I’m supposed to have the whole document prepared by tomorrow. After finished editing the document given by Stephen. I looked through the TMU policy given by Mark and made a few notes here and there indicating where I need to edit and rearrange. For the next few hours, I sat in front of the computer, dreaming again. Luckily Bryson, the bridge engineer for Transit NZ, who is a friendly guy, had a nice chat with me in the cafeteria during my tea break and gave me a small report to read to enhance my knowledge about traffic management. I gave it a thorough read but too bad; I was so sleepy that I almost fall asleep again. Until around 1.30pm, my supervisor was back. I went to see him as I have got some questions needed to be solved so that I could finish up the second task. (i.e. the TMU policy documents) he asked me to wait for 5 minutes which turned out to be a 1 hour wait. Around 2.30pm, he came over and I was glad that I’ve done the right thing. J Had a farewell party for Hanford Cheung, who will be leaving Transit New Zealand for MWH. I don’t understand why I was so touched when they had this farewell party and Hanford’s Boss gave a tiny speech. Haha.. silly me again! The farewell party was about 30 minutes long, and I happened to know some people in this company again. But too bad, I forgot their name already. Oh gosh, something’s wrong with my memory these days, I seem to forget people’s name real easily. I used to be a person that can remember names, birthdays, and phone number real easily. Probably I’m old already. Anyway, after the farewell party, Bryson came over and talked to me for about 20 minutes. He’s really a friendly person, he had a chat with me about Malaysia as he happened to work in Malaysia for 15 months under Opus Company. I heard a lot about Opus from him. Of course, I have to finish up my TMU policy document, as I wanted to go home early today considering both my supervisors are not in anymore. Mark thought me how to bind the document I’ve printed out nicely and it only took me about 10 minutes to get it done. I’m glad that Mark said I did a Perfect job. JJ Also, he sort of told me that he run out of idea what to let me to do. Haha! But he’ll keep me busy, that is for sure. Either Mark or Stephen. Anyway, it’s 4.45pm now. I could leave already as I spent only 10 minutes lunch break today. Tomorrow will be a brand new day. Looking forward to it.

Second day at work (16/11) [8am-5.15pm]

Early in the morning, I went to TMU department and asked for my supervisor, Mark Walker. Unfortunately he was not there and hence, another member of TMU, Michael Daley, had a brief introduction and showed me some tools used to monitor the traffic in Auckland. He told me about the CCTV (closed circuit television) that was installed along the state highways (SH1, SH20, SH16) approximately 1km apart to observe the situation along the state highways so that if accidents occurred, they would notify the police or fire brigades at the first place to avoid having traffic congestion, especially during peak hours. Most of the CCTVs were installed along SH1. Furthermore, he showed me the SCATS system that was installed at every signal (i.e. traffic lights). I was impressed that there were a total of 600 signals to be look after.
After the simple briefing by Michael, for the first half of the day, as usual, I almost fall asleep for so many times. I can feel that my mind is sleeping while I forced myself to keep my eyes wide opened. During lunchtime, Mark came into my room and introduced himself and said he’ll be back in half an hour and get me started. Less than five minutes later, my boss had a nice chat with me before handing me a plan and asked me to extract out important relevant stuff. Just when I was about to start doing that report, Mark came in and gave me a new task. I was asked to rearrange the file and then made photocopy of it and let him see. As the latter one wasn’t urgent, I started off by doing the ITS project plan first.
ITS is a newly developed system called intelligent traffic system. Intelligent Transportation Systems (ITS) describes the integrated application of advanced information, electronic, communications, and other technologies to the management and operation of surface transportation systems. It aims for modifying the present traffic infrastructure in an intelligent way to enhance traffic capacity without building more infrastructures that takes up money, time and also minimising land use. For example, the “Cats Eyes” in the centre of the road; it used to shine only when headlights of the car was shined onto it. The ITS invention was to install a solar system into it, so that during daytime, it will absorb energy from the sun and during night time, it will light up automatically to enhance the sight distance of that particular place. It is very efficient in rural places where streetlights were not sufficient or necessary. The sight distance would increase dramatically as a result would reduce the accident frequency in some danger zones. Also, road users would notice the road condition ahead especially in a abrupt bend of the road. “Cats Eyes” could be set up on the centreline of the road to show the road path.

Actually, I gained a wee bit of knowledge about the department I’m working through Stephen, the manager of TMU. This department, Traffic Management Unit, a.k.a. TMU, is a special unit only available in Auckland that manages the traffic and the operation of the roads. Although the office is in Transit New Zealand but TMU works more like a link between Transit New Zealand with the local city council. This is due to the Transit New Zealand does not have the authority on local roads, they are only in-charged of the state highways, whereas the local city council is in charged on the local roads only. So, in order to achieve the best result in road operation, both parties have to work hand in hand to ensure the traffic condition reaches its ideal level. This is where TMU plays an important role. TMU has another office in Northshore that monitors all the traffic at intersections and along the state highways. In other words, they have all the screens that display the traffic condition in every place that a web cam, or CCTV is installed.
I attended a GIS meeting at around 2pm until 4pm too. This was a meeting held by my supervisor with other outsiders. Apparently, I’ll be working under him on this project as well. But I have no idea what they were talking in the meeting, as my knowledge about GIS is very minimal. I would surf net and get to know more about GIS soon.

First day at work (15/11) [9am-5pm]

After going through roughly two hours of introduction process, I’ve been allocated a seat right next to a friendly senior of asset management department. I was supposed to be sitting with the TMU (Traffic Management Unit) buddies, but there is no vacant seat available in their unit. That’s why I’m moved to sit here. Anyway, for the rest of the day, I didn’t do anything else but sitting in front of the computer, eyes focussing hard on the monitor with my brain not working. Just clicking all the links of transit’s website and occasionally hear typing keyboard sound as a result of “chatting” with my other fellow friends at other transit branches. Haha… guess what, I was the most free person. Heather was doing filing work for one whole day, while Kenny was required to study the contract and the codes and later interpret them to his supervisor. Hmmm… I’m so bored, waiting for the clock to tick 5pm. I just realised that the hardest thing to do on earth is to stay awake with my eyes wide opened while I’m mentally tired… or bored!!!! Never felt that sleepy before. NEVER! Anyway, my room is quite nice, with a view of the harbour and the queen street. Cool stuff! :)

Monday, November 15, 2004

3rd day in Auckland - First day of Work!!!

wow!! i'm soooo tired... just finished work and took a long warm shower. hmm.. woke up at 6am today, had my breakfast and went to work. shit man... i did nothing at all today.. absolutely NOTHING! i was introduced by the human resources manager to the staff and then showed around the company before showing me my place. for the rest of the day, i just sat in front of the computer trying to stay awake! there were times that i almost fall asleep. i just realised that staying awake when a person is bored is the hardest task ever! hahaha!!! anyway, i'm gonna work in the traffic management department. should be cool! ^^ will keep updating my blog.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

2nd day in Auckland

went to bed quite early last nite.. awakened by the passer by out at the corridor at around 10am... but i "officially" woke up around 11.30a.m. my cousin called me and asked me to get ready as they will be coming to fetch me out and have a brief city tour. went out around 12. drove around the city and ended up having a very filling lunch in a bbq restaurant. wow! the stuff is really cool and at reasonable price. hehehe..after tat we went grocery shoppin for about 2 hours and went home rested until 4pm. went to church...which is approximately 15 mins walk from here. another old but not tat sturdy looking church, gonna undergo renovation for seismic design soon. raising fund currently.. hmmm.. i talked like a civil engineer aye?! hahah!! anyway, right after church i went to queen street, AGAIN! shop around.. walk around looking for some cool places. hehe..explore ma!!! yeah..tonite's menu... chicken fillet on rice with a cup of taro pearl milk tea. all for 11.50. quite reasonable price again. i found this taiwanese restaurant on high street, which is another small tiny street parallel to queen street. oh yeah.. we went to "borders"...tis is a very big and nice book shop juz at the aotea centre. it's about 5 mins walk from my place i think.
well, actually he planned to go for a movie, but my feet hurts till i dun feel like goin. i'm sorry. anyway, i just i finished packing wat i'm supposed to bring to work tomolo. gonna take a nice cold shower and probably watched one or two episodes of korean drama before head off to bed!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

First Day in Auckland

phew... tiring day indeed! just took a 2 hour nap and i cant sleep anymore. stomach is not feeling well coz i ate a lot of food for the past few days. my parents came two days ago and kept feeding me continuously, from the moment i wake up until the moment i sleep. hahaha!!
errrmmm... something about auckland... it's a big, very "disorganized" place...and the traffic is a headache for all the residents. even the traffic is congested on saturday mornings!!! omg... haha..and my cousin was complaining all the time about the traffic problem when we were in the car. looks like it's like the Kuala Lumpur in new zealand. high stress level, that would lead to increasing of blood pressure. haha!! Christchurch is still the best.
Haven't been walking around the city today. was too tired. i just arrived in this apartment i'm staying 4 hours ago. straight away packed my stuff and slept. heheh... i'm heading off to shower soon. the weather here is crazy. so bloody hot that i'm gonna burst. oh yeah, i hafta describe a bit abt my flat. errmmm... a small tiny but NEW apartment. two rooms, each room has a "double decker" bed, everything are squeezed in this tiny lot. hehe... but i'm satisfied with wat i had! and it's very convenient by having a few asian restaurants just opposite the street.. oooo.. and it's just opposite sky city. hahaha!!! and errr.. the coolest part is u hafta have some card to scan to enter the main entrance with 24 hour security guard.. COOL STUFF! hahaha!!!
anyway, the last nite to be crazy already. tomolo i'm gonna walk around city, try walking to transit and teman my bf take bus or train to his company, which is located in penrose. wow... gotta talk about MWH in penrose... it's like a coool place man!! it's located in the AUT technology park. somewhere like kelana centrepoint.. haha!! my dad's office in msia. ^^
anyway, i'm off to take another shower. it's too warm in here, especially with no windows in this room and i need warm lights to light up the room.. haha!! heat + heat = roasted piggie... catcha guys later
*will update some photos soon... *
p.s. i'm having a hi-speed internet connection here. cool aye?!?!

Sunday, November 07, 2004

natural...happiness... beauty...

hmm.. just a sudden thought of these three things above after spending approx. two days sitting in front of the tv watching some programs related to these three things.
let's start off by talking about the program i watched in E channel. This program is called "Dr.90210". It's all about plastic surgery, telling us how great plastic surgery is, and how popular it is in Beverly Hills, they actually have a street which all the well known plastic surgeons are. OMG!!! there are a lot of females went to them for plastic surgery, the youngest case i saw in tv was a 16 yr old teenager who complained that her nose looks like pinochio nose.. err.. shit man, i din see a single difference before and after the operation was done, and i think she look just fine as she was. and then just now i watched another profile of a 64 year old lady.. she's gonna do a whole lots of operation to her face coz she wants to get married in 3 mths! omg... old lady getting married at the age of 64. *speechless* talking about plastic surgery, a lot of ppl decide to do plastic surgery is for the sake of being beautiful and they hate being themselves. well, honestly, i dun like my look either. I constantly complain about how fat i am and how dark i am, and i so envy those girls that are fairer and prettier... but that's life! i complain a lot when i'm totally depressed and but i dun complain when i see other ppl who are worse than me. Well, tat's life.. i have to say! I think it is okay to undergo adequate plastic surgery, coz it's really a common thing nowadays. but dun overdo it until your looks totally changed making u look like a brand new human in this world. like the tv programme "swan" ... it helps to change those so called ugly ducklings in this world to a beautiful swan. there are some ppl that have to undergo a complete plastic surgery from her head to her toe.. wat's the point here???
ppl used to live their life w/o having a tot of changing their looks coz the technology back then wont allow them to change their look or do tiny operations to make it perfect. why cant we now? why ppl dun live and satisfied with what god give them? just for example, myself. i dun like my looks and i hope i could change it. but luckily i'm scared of pain, hahaha! that's why i nvr thought of doin those painful surgery. hehehe! lucky aye! i really dun understand what the world is nowadays. issit true that only pretty and attractive girls could get the attention of their dream guy? issit true that those normal looking girls will end up unwanted? tat's not fair... probably nth is fair in this world.
"being beautiful could boost up self confidence and life will be more colorful".. i think tat's why ppl are trying to be as beautiful as possible nowadays. and that's why no one is ever satisfied with their natural look. even the supermodels are trying to make themselves look more perfect. haha!!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Two simple tests...

hehe.. finished my second last paper yesterday and spent the whole nite wondering around. Watched the "written in the stars" programme, found these two tests quite interesting. but too bad, it's written in chinese, but i'll try to translate it roughly into english. ^^

1st test
Title: 你好不好追? Is it easy to start a relationship with you?

Question
你的怪病會在大庭廣眾之下作出不雅的動作﹐你勉強能接受哪一種怪病?
You have a weird disease/symptoms that you gonna show in the public, what is the worst that you could accept yourself to be?

1. 一高興就放屁 (fart when you are excited)
2. 看不爽就罵髒話 (swear when you are not satisfied)
3. 流眼淚就會想尿尿 (tend to pee when you cry or tears falling down)
4. 想吵架就會打噴嚏 (sneeze when you feel like arguing/fighting)

Answer:
1. 經常將朋友變成情人﹐常在不知不覺中被追求。三個月到六個月會容易被好朋友追。
(Your close friends would always end up being your other half w/o you realising it yourself. Normally your relationship will start with him/her within 3 to 6 months)

2. 現在超想沉浸在愛情裡﹐想追你的人放馬過來。
(You are so desperate to be in love, if someone is after you at the moment, it's easy to start a relationship)

3. 傳聞很難追求的你﹐目前沒有人想或敢來碰釘子。如果要有人追﹐就要解決外面的傳聞。
(You are known to be a person who is hard to accept other ppl after you, that's why there's no one you are still single and very available. If you wanna get involved in a relationship, you have to get rid of those gossips out there)

4. 遇到中意的對象﹐根本不用追﹐你自動會送上門。
(When you meet your dream partner, you would take the first step approaching him/her)

2nd Test
Title: 你要搶別人的情人﹐你搶得到嗎? Is it easy for you to snatch ppl's gf/bf?

Question
如果你的卡刷暴了﹐要你上街來乞討﹐你會用什麼理由來乞討?
If you exceeded your credit limit for your credit card, and you have to beg for money in the public, what reason would you use to get the money?

1. 直接說明卡刷暴了(be honest and tell the ppl that you just exceeded your credit limit)
2. 希望籌學費唸書 (would like to collect money for tuition fees)
3. 自己或家人生病 (you or your family are sick and in need of money)

Answer:
1. 因為你們不喜歡輸的感覺﹐無論是誰﹐你都搶得到。
(As you dont like to be the loser, no matter who is your competent, you would always successfully snatch the girl/guy off his/her partner)

2. 你們的手段太幼稚了﹐絕對搶不到。
(Your way of getting other ppl's girl/guy is too naive, you would nvr get him/her)

3. 你超會耍陰招﹐充份準備﹐只要有機會就會搶。
(You know a lot of tactics and always prepared to get your dream girl/guy)

hehe..forgive me for my poor translation. this is my first time translating chinese to english and post it as a blog.. haha!!! *shy*
oh my.. i'm sleepy already. din sleep for the whole nite, been awake for almost 24 hours already. gotta sleep now. if not, i'll missed all my meals today.

to my tomato... GOOD LUCK later! love ya heaps....

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

meaningful

很爱很爱你
词:施人诚 曲:玉城千春

想为你做件事 让你更快乐的事
好在你的心中 埋下我的名字
求时间 趁着你 不注意的时候
悄悄地 把这种子酿成果实

我想她的确是 更适合你的女子
我太不够温柔成熟优雅懂事
如果我 退回到 好朋友的位置
你也就 不再需要为难成这样子

很爱很爱你
所以愿意 舍得让你
往更多幸福的地方飞去

很爱很爱你
只有让你 拥有爱情
我才安心

看着她走向你 那幅画面多美丽
如果我会哭泣也是因为欢喜
地球上 两个人 能相遇不容易
作不成你的情人我仍感激

很爱很爱你 所以愿意
不牵绊你 飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你 只有让你
拥有爱情 我才安心

old but meaningful song. currently listening to fireworks.. (yeah, not watching) and trying to study. also, digesting the meaning of the songs playing. life is not tat bad when u get the idea of some of the meaningful songs. it somehow tells me that there's alwez a total opposite way to think about everything. try to think differently then u will feel much better.

wishing everything is over...

hmm... how i wish everything is over. i did real badly in my exam today. shit.. tat's the most prepared subject i had. i dunno why. i just forgot everything, every single shit i memorized and understand, and all my calculations went half way only. really sad now. the more i thought about it, the worse my feeling is. i cant just not think about it, coz i'm very very disappointed... how could i did that bad in it? this paper is NOT hard aye. i just know the answer..but i dunno how to express it properly and all the calculations ... something screwed up.. would i pass? i doubt it coz i failed last time. >< how... *sigh* really feel like crying. would that solve a shit? no... nth could be done now. but i really need something to release out the anger and disappointment in me. arghhh.........

Monday, November 01, 2004

3 more...

FINALLY... i survived after last minute study for transportation. hehe... well, everyone said that the exam was SUPER easy, and i think it's okay only. coz i din do one tiny part. hmm... haha... the reason not doin it is becoz i'm too lazy to memorize equations. haha!!! watever la, it's OVER! cool... my next paper will be Fluids, tomolo at 2.30pm. pray hard for me, okay?
still updating my site.. finding some cool javascript to add it on. will have more surprises soon.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

dooms day...

sigh.... just had my 3rd paper.. MATHS! hmm... i'm very interested in mathematics, and it's the only paper that i'm very confident that i can scored good grades. damn! everything is over liao.. i cant do anything to it already. i screwed up my best paper. how about the rest? cant think of anything now.. very very sad... :(

Thursday, October 28, 2004

The Duty Fulfiller

haha! serious title rite? yeah man! I had this personality test last nite. it's quite accurate aye! have a go if you want. it's the similar minds!

I am a ISTJ person.. ISTJ means Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging.. this is what they said bout me! ^^

As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake.

ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings.

ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book".

The ISTJ is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised. For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of.

The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it. They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority. The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear.

ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.

The ISTJ is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented. Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted. They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while.

ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs.

The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words.

ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations.

ISTJs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation. Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained. They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty.

Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom.

In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Sensing
Auxiliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Intuition


3 more hours!!!

yeah...i'll sit for my 2nd paper "STRUCTURAL MECHANICS 2" three hours later!!! am i nervous? eeerrr.. not really... am i well prepared? errr.. no one is ever well prepared for exams! hahha... but i'm really hungry now. brain not functioning properly coz i'm starving. when i'm hungry, i'm weak and sleepy. hehe! just like a pig! ooo.. later show u two cute piggiesss found by tomato. hehe..thanks ya! i need more and more and more cute piggies so tat i could post them up.
hmm... again, i hate waiting for that moment to arrive. cant wait to finish my exams! praying to pass again. *hungry*... my stomach is making noise now. but i just sent my nuggies into the oven, wont be ready for another 30 mins. gosh! looks like i hafta do something in the meantime.


crying piggy..><

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

TOOOMAAATTTOOOO!!!!

hehe..tis is wat i found. cute leh.. hehe...

男人最常用的分手爛藉口!

I found this list when surfing around the net.. haha! quite true aye!

1.忙! (最簡單的說法)
2.有壓力 (不負責任)
3.為你好,所以... (嫁禍于人)
4.我心裡有陰影.... (最爛的藉口)
5.我希望你快樂就好.... (扮偉大)
6.我覺得我們彼此都得到收穫就好了.... (洽談生意啊﹗)
7.是妳把我推開的
8.是妳自己還沒確定 (是他確定了離開)
9.我們個性不和 ﹝最常聽到的理由﹞
10.這陣子比較忙 (因為一腳踏兩船)
11.給彼此一個空間
12.外面的世界還很大, 給你機會去尋找適合你的人
13.覺得我配不上你 ﹝苦肉計的分手法!﹞
14.我們沒有未來,我不能這樣擔誤妳!
15.我喜歡的其實是─男人。
16.下一個男人會更好,我祝福你
17.結婚我們必須和我父母住一起,既然妳不願意,我.....
18.你是最好的情人,不是最好的終身伴侶
19.我一無所有,不能給你幸福
20.我怕妳永遠不會是我的
21.我只是把你當她的替代品,我其實不愛你
22.妳讓我有太多的挫折感了
23.我們兩個的環境背景差太多
24.我欠你太多了,不能用我的愛再當妳的負擔
25.跟我在一起你只有傷害,去找一個不會傷害你的人
26.不想你跟我一起吃苦...
27.我不再對妳有任何感覺了
28.我已經膩了
29.我發現比妳更適合我的女人......
30.不過玩玩罷了
31.我的初戀情人回來找我,我還是忘不了她....

So, wat do ya think? haha.. guys..oh guys...hafta think of new excuses liao!!! hahha.. update pls.. *wink*

i feel so tiny..

i feel so tiny... been looking around other ppl's blog n also friendster.... shit, why are they so many geniuses around? i feel so tiny n useless. >< it's so wrong to haf such feeling at this time. it's EXAM period! i shud feel damn motivated, and proud of myself. but err.. now i feel exactly opposite. hmm.. how?
anyway, i've been updating my blog recently. added some animated gifs. spent like so much time to add them on. i've still got more stuff to add... wait patiently ya.
now i'm sleepy. >< damn it... sleepy... i just studied 50% of tomolo's exam. darn... dooms day arriving soon.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

6 to go...

yeah.. i've got 6 more papers to go... cool stuff! just finished my first paper. wasn't THAT bad la.. i think i can pass coz errr.. there's about 50% of the questions i din answer correctly.. hehe!!! well,
50% of 60% total course = 30%
the rest of the 40% total course, i've got 34%
so.. adding these two up.. i'll get 64%.!!! hahah.. tat should be a pass! ^^
tat's only wat i'm aiming for.. who cares.. it's a low weight course.. hehehe
anyway, i'm gonna take a nap now... and start my revision for structural exam, which will be on thursday.. hehe... catcha later! ^^

pre-exam mood

hi hi!!!! tis is actually my 2nd time writing the same old shit here.. haha!! coz err.. i just dunno why it all suddenly disappeared.. just liddat! haha.. hope that my exam "nervous" mode will suddenly disappeared also.. woo hoo!! then i'll be great! ^^ 2.5 hours to go.. first final coming up.. a bit excited as i wanna finish my exams ASAP!! dun care about wat the final outcome would be. just hope everything is cool and everyone's happy.. hahaha!!! i've had a thought about how to get rid of my old pre-exam 'nervous' mode... just sing and sing and sing!!! hahaha.... or i'll pray and pray and pray if i'm not allowed to sing during exam.. (duh..of coz i'm not allowed to sing in the exam hall.. the ppl will kill me if i sing) haha.... anyway, catcha later after exam.. GOOD LUCK to everyone and of coz MYSELF! ^^ GOD BLESS..

Monday, October 25, 2004

updates of piggie's life

been almost one month i think since i last posted something here. oh gosh.. there's a lot of stuff happened in this past month. in short, it was a busy, challenging month. i'm very glad that i've gone through it. ^^
well, where to start.. hmm... oh yeah, my last post was about my oral test. hmm.. i sat for the oral test as scheduled and i failed! haha... recalling that oral test moment.. i went into the room with my nervous level at maximum. and as expected, i failed. i was really really sad and cried after tat.. (of coz not in front of the lecturer la.. me want face one.. ) hehe.. the best part was i cried in front of my boy boy.. hehe.. and he consoled me like a baby.. hehehe. happy happy.. made me wanna cry longer coz i wanna be a baby. ^^ well, after tat, i resit the test. and i made it through with quite satisfying results. woo hooo!!!! ^^ i'm not THAT stupid after all, just that the bloody lecturer made me gan cheong and i was the first to sit for the test. well, the ppl after me should thank me coz i "pulled down" the lecturer's requirement towards us.. (muahahhaha.. i complain n blame the lecturer after everything is over)
oh yeah.. i should say that the oral test is a turning point for me. i just dunno y after that oral test, i feel so motivated and strive to work hard in everything. hmm.. that's good rite? hope i'll be liddat alwez la.
it's the last day of MY study leave today. i'll be sitting for my first final paper tomolo, i.e. geomechanics. hope everything runs smoothly. speaking about my study week, it was quite a good one. i just dunno what happened to me again. this is my very first time that i could study so effectively. probably i just think that i studied tat subject and at the end i will realise i know nth?? hahah.. who cares?! no one has high expectation on me, i'll just try my best and leave everything to God.
hmm... approximately three more weeks i'll be heading up to Auckland for my summer practical work. i'm so lucky and once again have to thank God for giving me a chance to find a job here. some more so near my boy boy.. hehe!!! i din actually think that i can get a job initially.. and i nvr thought i could get one in Auckland. although i still prefer working in Christchurch, coz no where is better than staying at your own house and being around a familiar environment, but i'm glad i get to be around my bf during the 3 months summer holiday. hehe.. frankly, i wasn't worrying about getting a job this summer actually, coz i can alwez go back to Msia and "stick" to my beloved daddy.. hehe!! the ONLY thing i was worried about was WHERE TO CELEBRATE MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!! hahahhaah... silly hor.. nvm. i'm known as a silly piggie. hehe..cute me...
21st birthday is a very grand thing... err.. where should i celebrate? i wanna celebrate with my sisters (most of them in Msia) and i wanna celebrate with my parents (they will be in Msia) and my brother (in Christchurch) and of coz my boy boy (in Auckland).. haha.. now i'll be in Auckland for sure on my birthday.. what about my brother and my parents & my sisters.. hmm... i think i can "make" my brother to fly up to Auckland.. what about mummy daddy and my bunch of sisters?! sigh... still thinking... oh yeah, and i hafta think how to celebrate.. err.. party? dunno aye.. i hate to do cleaning up after that... but i NVR had a birthday party before. hmm... *thinking*
okie dokie... here's a short prayer for exams...(exam period now..i should think about exam first) ^^

Lord God, you face the difficulties of your life,
with calmness and strength,
help me to approach my exams,
with steady nerves and a clear mind,
keep my memory sure and my understanding sharp,
help me to remember others,
who may be more in need than myself.

cheers!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

busy week... goin crazy

hmm... another busy week ahead. having lab everyday from monday to friday, got tonnes of assignment to be done, but the worst thing is i'm having an oral examination on wednesday, most probably after my lab, which is 5pm?! and it's gonna be a 3 hr test ... damn! think about it, i'm panicking already. i've made myself to study damn hard for this test, but things just dun make sense to me sometimes and i dun even know what he'll be asking.
in fact, in my opinion, there are two types of lecturers around. Type A is the "predictable" type. These type of lecturers are those that would make you more or less guess wat would be in the test as he'll be giving hint in class or probably the stuff tat he taught is damn easy to understand and ur confidence level will increase. whereas type B is the "unpredictable" type. most of the lecturers in this category are the ones tat are damn intellectual or too passionate about their own work. they would wanna dedicate all of their time on students and give them all of their knowledge. hmm..sounds great rite? yeah, no doubt they are GREAT teachers by the definition of being a teacher. but err.. i personally dun like type B lecturer (or teacher). probably becoz of my own personality. i once talked to my dad about this sort of lecturer, he said it's good coz he'll make me motivated and wanna learn more. the same thing when i told him tat most of my classmates study like mad ppl in library from early till late nite. BUT, how i wish i'll get motivated in this situation. damn unfortunate that i'm the kinda person tat "when u push me to go forward, i'll tend to go the other way round".. haha! u get wat i mean? hmm... back to the lecturer talk. type B lecturer is my idol lecturer.. ALWEZ, coz i'm very impressed of them being so passionate... hehe, but i cant take it when they are really my lecturer. they gonna drive me crazy aye!
anyway, i just hope tat everyone could pray hard for me for the upcoming oral exam. i just hope i could pass. although it doesnt worth a lot, but i dun wanna screw it up. now i'm kinda brainstorming all the stuff into my tiny brain now. hope my brain can stand it and "defrag" it nicely before the exam, so tat i would have a crystal clear mind when i'm in the exam. tis is wat i pray every week in church after thanking God for a nice pleasant week: " oh God, help me to cope with every stuff tat i'm gonna face this week with strength and calmness. and pls help those who are more in need than me. "
a simple but effective way to share ur burden (or problems) with God. trust me!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

fear...

hmm... sitting here holding a warm milo. i'm feeling cold n hot at the same time. head gonna burst any minute. i'm tired. but i dun understand why am i so tired. i slept a lot. i din do a lot of heavy work recently. no assignments. nth! then why am i having this opposite effect? sth's wrong.
both my beloved handphones are sold today... using my bro's 6100 at the moment... dun think i wanna get a new one ... coz new one is nvr better than old one... i was busy copying out my msgs from the folder in my nokia phone. i feel tat things change so rapidly....... i missed those sweet days when we were really close and loving each other so much.... where has all those time gone?! i wonder....
i enjoy writing here coz apparently no one ever read wat i wrote i assume. the only two person i mentioned to about this blog are my brother and my bf. i think none of them visit my blog. my bf used to visit my blog everyday, tryin to check out wassup with me. but he seldom do it now. prob i asked him not to link his page to mine resulting tat he forgot to click to view my blog? coz i've constantly visit all his links, and he alwez post comment on other ppls' blog, except for mine. so, tat's the best conclusion i could make.
speaking about him... dunno aye... sth's really wrong. i admit tat something's goin real wrong. but he keeps denying it. i have this very wrong feeling tat he's trying to drag this relationship... i've been tryin real hard in every way to spice it up, but it nvr works. there's no smile on his face when he's with me, whenever i look at his photo, i can feel a distant between us. a distance tat's growing each day. tat's really bad. i duno wat is in his mind. he's really giving me this insecure feeling and a feeling tat i should be prepared for sth to change in the near future. i know it's wrong for me to say all these, but it's an alarm tat's getting louder and louder reminding me abt all these recently. i feel the fear inside me now... wat would i be w/o him... i cant imagine it. i rely on him too much, and it's getting more and more. tat's also probably i haf this strong feelin tat he needs me no more? he no longer likes to talk to me, no longer likes to approach me, no longer likes to hug me, no longer likes to... to me, he's more like a stranger.... tat approaches me coz he feels like he got the "responsibility" to talk to me... he gets mad at me and raised his voice at me very easily... probably i'm too annoying... i really feel like a wall is built between us. wat should i do? often he asked me not to think tooo much, but am i really thinking too much? every gal is liddat. i feel insecured and lack of love... shud i really be prepared for the changes tat's gonna happen in the future? pls guide me through.
i know i'm so wrong to say stuff liddat, coz he might read this... but i think i'm just trying to express my feelings out, coz there's no one i could talk to at the moment. and i know for sure he wont visit my blog for ages. probably he's forgotten about my existence, probably one day when i disappeared, he wont even notice me. but tat one day is not so soon... but i think it will happen if the time tat we spend together is rapidly reducing... i'm scared... i just hope tat god will prove me wrong........ coz i love him too much...
probably i shouldnt love him tat much.. probably he's a bit suffering now... i dunno.. wish i know wat's goin on. guide me through.. oh god!




men are from mars, women are from venus

Try this:
http://www.askmarsvenus.com/astrology/relationshiptests.htm
quite interesting aye...

finally we are done with the stupid design thingy. err..shudn't say it's stupid, coz i think it's stupid as i still know nth... but i can see tat it's damn useful for some ppl. good on them! i dun give a damn about it now. coz there's no team work anymore. i just hope tat i can cope with the bloody oral examination which is sometime soon, and i can pass the whole bloody design PLUS structural courses this year.

anyway, september 16... three more days to my beloved daddy's bday. missed him so much. dunno why, i kinda missed my parents sooo sooo much recently. how i wish they are here. hmm.. oh yeah, got a good news, got a job offer from transit nz today. went over excited for a few hours, then realizing that prob there are heaps of ppl out there having the same answer from transit also. so i should control my emotion before i got the final answer from them. oh god... let me get through all of this smoothly asap. i m dying to get a job here..... pls pls pls.. help me!!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

what animal am i?

getting bored..tat's why i'm so free to take a sillly test.. the results come out to be quite errr.. unbelievable?

You are a Butterfly! You are a rare one indeed! People view butterflies as beautiful and it is usually frowned upon to hurt one. You are caring and carefree. Almost everyone likes a butterfly!

anyway, feel free to try it on:
http://www.jokesandhumor.com/dbase/animal.cgi

wat am i?

hmm.. guess wat, i'm sitting here in the stressful civil suite. most of the ppl around here are second pro civil students. yeah, tat's what i am now. apparently, i'm damn free. all of them are busy preparing themselves for the presentation session tomolo, which is a big thing of the year and yet i'm so free logging on and placing a new blog here.
well, it's all becoz i'm useless... i dunno why, everytime when i'm involved in some group work, i'm alwez the useless one, and i'll somehow made the whole team fail. and i started questioning myself abt my ability. i aint stupid, i aint the worst in the class, then why am in this situation? i've been asking for more work to do, and yet i ended up doin nth. i volunteered to do some stuff that expert in, eg. powerpoint presentation preparation, and yet i din get the chance to do it. i'm so useless aye. i spent the past two nites wondering around in civil suite, hoping someone could give me a chance to do something for the group. but yeah... i din get the chance. come to a conclusion that i'm bloody useless. useless until the extent that no one blif that i have the ability to complete things. pathetic rite? hmm... i'm feeling sad over here. juz went over and asked whether if i could do sth, but yeah... they said "no" again. wondering whether if they really done all the stuff, and left me here doin nth ... only feelin bad for wat i did.
i know a lot of ppl are sick of me saying the same old thing.."i feel bad".. but yeah, tis is my only feelings now. i really do feel bad now. but wat can i do? i tried and tried and tried many times asking them to gimme stuff to do. but the outcome is alwez the same.."there's nothing much to do, almost done aye..." are they in doubt of my ability or wat?
how i wish i'm like him... he's sooo important in his group. everyone relies on him. i nvr get such experience. why am i such a stupid fella? stupid until the extent i told the wrong person abt all my complaints. i shouldn't have told him about my feelings about this work, coz he alwez thinks i'm the one that dun wanna approach them asking for stuff to do and if he blif, he'll think i dun hafta feel bad abt it coz it's their fault of not trusting my ability. but no one could understand, especially him, coz ppl nvr look down on him before. he's alwez way up high above the rest, he is nvr the stupidest person or useless person in any situation. ppl somehow respect him. i cant compare myself with him, tat's why i shouldn't have told him, coz he would nvr understand. it will only make me feel stupider complaining this in front of them. he'll never know the feeling when i accomplished sth and the outcome was my whole bloody only contribution was editted until it's totally not my job. how worse could it be? probably it could be worse tomolo. juz hafta wait and see. i hope everything ends asap. i cant take it anymore. i'm looking down at myself more and more each day. it's really bad to think this way but i juz couldn't help it. i hope someone would give me a helping hand and pull me up when i'm falling, but till now, there's no one that really could gimme a helping hand. useless + hopeless situation...
hmm..actually i haven't been writing any blogs since the beginning of this month. thanks to the busy days i've been through, at first i was sick for almost a week, then i had this busy week last week.. and now 'm here, when everyone's supposed to be busy but me... sigh...
my mind has been spinning a lot. i feel like seperating myself from the whole damn world. i missed smiling, but i look so unnatural when i smile sometimes... probably i already lost the sun or probably the rainbow in my life, left with lotsa sadness... :(
i'm goin off now. actually i had this urge to write blog when i was lying on my bed with my mind spinning before i actually dozed off. but too bad, i was too lazy to actually get up and write a blog. till then... ciao!

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

feelin bored...lonely....useless

oh well.. i'm bored coz err.. i'm lonely...and i'm lonely coz my bf is sick n i feel useless coz i couldn't do much for him now. my bro and his gf juz left chch for hanmer springs tis afternoon. i felt a sudden silence in the house. no one to talk to..that eventually made me went back to my warm cosy bed coz i could talk to someone in my dream. after like 20 mins of nap, i was awaken by the doorbell. hmm.. my bf came over. he looked so tired and sickish. and yeah, he still has to try to make me happy coz i sounded angry over the phone before i headed off to the bed. i felt bad when i saw him tat sick. hence, when he said he wanted to go take a short nap, i agreed. i took about 30 mins thinking of wat to cook for him as his dinner. at last i cooked something tat i considered nice and simple for him... ginseng soup + black bean sauce chicken + green vege + egg on rice. simple but nice because of the ginseng soup. :) i'm glad tat he finished everything. after dinner, we sat in the living room watching tv and he juz got home not long ago.
i feel lonely again. but i feel more useless now. i still couldn't make him feel better. well, i'm not a doctor but i really feel useless seeing him suffering but couldn't do anything. i juz pray hard tat he'll recover soon.
hmm.. i think i'll start a bit of hw tonite and go to bed earlier. oh well, i hope my bro has a great time in hanmer. shit.. i really wanna go there. coz i could escape from chch..tat's what i wanna do in ages. nvm... i hafta be understanding. tat's wat i kept telling myself over and over again. i can't be selfish, my bf says. hmmm...

Monday, August 30, 2004

hours to go...

hmm... tired now! but i stilll got heaps to do. oh man, i really cant wait to get all these stuff done, then juz throw everything aside, enjoy a day at least of holiday. :S i still reckon team work is a tough things. and i nvr know how ppl thinks. well, u might say tat juz dun care abt all those bloody ppl tat keep commenting on stuff, but err.. i'm part of the world, and i'm surrounded by a lot of ppl tat i really cant shut my ears and pretend tat i din hear anything rite? tolerate... tolerating... juz hope that everything's gonna end asap. but in the meantime, i pray that i got the energy to finish up wat i'm supposed to do and hopefully i could do it to the best. can i? issit easy? hmm.. no idea. and i dun wanna know about it also, i'm leaving everything to God. okay, i hafta rush now. i had a lot of stuff to complain juz before, but i totally forgotten about it now. err.. i think tat's okay. pray hard for the malam to be successful. ^^ cheers!

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

life...

sitting here feeling so bored n tired. hell... it's tuesday afternoon and it's HOLIDAY now... why am i so tired and bored and depressed. i really need a holiday, i mean a long long holiday which i could totally escape from all the stuff i'm surrounded with now. the activites i'm involved, my homework, my university, my friends i think. just wanna be alone in a nice warm cosy place, where i could eat and sleep everyday. forget abt my work and other tiny lil stuff that make me headache. can i do that? no i think not! it's really hard to forget about all the stuff that's happeneing around me, i can't ignore all tat. it's really hard. so what can i do now? i cant think of anything. i'm trying my best to sleep most of the time to stop myself from thinking about all these stuff, but it just wont happen, coz the more i force myself to bed, the more i can DREAM about all these stuff. shit aye?!?!
errmm... counting down 7 days to MALAM MALAYSIA. i'm still praying hard for more guests to join our function. i realised that it's really hard to get ppl to come when we dun haf contacts. and this is the time that we hafta wear a friendly mask and be nice to some ppl that we normally dun for the sake of the final results. damn it! what a shit life! tis shitty feeling is really killing me. i've had this kinda feeling ever since the start of ticket sale. approaching ppl and try my best to persuade them and listen to their bullshits to get them to come. com'on.... am i such a failure? do i haf so few friends. i'm pretty sure that if i did it in malaysia, i could get a lot of ppl to come. they would come without much persuasion. why the hell cant i do it here? i dunno why. probably i changed to a worse person. or probably like what elder ppl tell me alwez, true friends are found in high school, coz you guys grow up together and get matured together. in university, ppl starts to learn how to cheat each other to achieve their own benefit. is it true?? shit.. this makes me feel like goin back to msia asap. i wanna go back to a place where all my true friends are. this place is so cruel. but, i can't juz run away from the reality i'm facing here. i hafta be strong enuff to face the cruel reality. how?? part of me wants to be strong coz i dun wanna be another weak girl that cries over her sorrows... part of me wants to juz go back to msia and forget a damn about wat happened here. argh..confusing.... i just pray that everything will be smooth soon. i'm not sure how long i could last. or probably i hafta train myself to shut myself up from this world and act like an idiot tat thinks the world is pretty and the sun is shining everyday in my life. could i do tat? it's a real big challenge. but i'm giving myself time to adapt it. pray hard for me, okay?
hmm.. it's getting late. i hafta go. phew..feel so nice after expressing my thoughts. issit true that when ppl turns older, they start thinking more??? if yes, i dun wanna grow older aye. i wanna just stay like tat. coz i think i can't cope with all my thoughts in the future.